Struggling

Hi Newb and everyone 

I've got a bit behind with this thread and have missed so much. It's hard to get my head around somethings these days. I'm one of six bereaved men in my part of the road between No2 and 29. About 150metres and both sides. And three of us lost our wives within the last year. How did fate work that one out ? Three of us are in close contact and provide great support when needed so I guess in that sense we are fortunate. However having said that I can truly empathise with all that I've read from you good people. The lonelyness and entering a quiet and soulless house after having been out has no respite no matter how many friends I we have. I've decided not to apply for counselling. I've had it in the past for clinical depression and it was OK for a short while but as the days progresed any benefits for me wore off ; and despite taking medication. So the Doctor upped my meds and things stabilised. My Son-in-law lost his parents within two weeks of each other and two years on he was beginning to crack up as well as drinking too much. He recently went to the Doctors and was prescribed antidepressants and is now 90% stronger. Councelling and a psychiatrist were of little benefit to him. You might believe I seem to be pushing drugs at you? The bottom line is I'm speaking from all round experience. I'm grieving badly at the loss of my darling wife but I know it would be so much worse without my meds. 

Love and Light 

Geoff

Hi Newb, Mark, Andrea and all,

Newb, I hope you're feeling a little better  by the time you read this. Some days are harder than others. I've been  busy these days and have not posted for a while. Felt the need today as I had a work lunch and came away feeling depressed as there was some talk about people and their spouses. Came home and cried after putting on a brave face. After 9 months, I still don't understand what happened or why it happened. I just don't get it. How I wish it would it all end. Please don't think I'm crazy or anything but I've been watching videos on YouTube with mediums giving messages to people who've lost their loved ones and been wondering why my husband, if he really loved me and if it's true that spirit doesn't die, doesn't communicate with me. I am lonely and fed up of living without him. What's the point of living without love?

I can relate to what happened and why I still sit and wonder as my wife passed so suddenly still seems like a dream when reality hits it Knocks me for six for hours so no your no cracking up I'm sure lots are the same here 

Hi limbo 

It's 9 months for me and I'm feeling no different to you duck. I will eventually adjust to being on my own, but as you say. It's a lonely existence, nothing to look forward to anymore. I'm 54 and it doesn't bear thinking about. Happiness is for others. 

Just crying and crying. The loneliness and helplessness are awful. I'm sorry, but it hit me again. 

Hi Andrea. So sorry you are having a bad time at the moment. It definitely doesn’t get any easier does it . Try and get some rest. 

Hugs and xx. 

Mike 

Hi you are not alone sat in bath and cried my eyes out  it doesn't seem to get any easier

Don't be sorry, Andrea. You're not alone; I'm crying with you.

It will get better eventually. I didn't experience all the crying after, I did a lot of my crying when they said they were unable to do my husbands colonoscopy because his bowel was blocked. He went to work the following Monday and I got on the internet and read anything I could and as I saw how grim the outlook was I cried. And then I buttoned it down for his sake but by the time he died I was so angry with the local GP, the local hospital and with everyone in general it was probably just as well I didn't have any friends. I probably would have ripped their heads off!

I'm not so angry now although I could still heartily wring the locum's neck, the one that kept telling him that it was in his imagination. And also the one that told him that she couldn't be wasting her time on him, she had REAL patients to  see and that was just before he died. So I had a focus for my anger but it was probably worse that way because I still cannot focus hard on that time I just avoid it and that isn't good either.

So take it that crying is a good thing, its an emotion that after a while is spent.

The loneliness and the helplessness, they are still with me but they are not as suffocating as they once were, chin up and keep on going one day at a time.

D

Hi Mike, 

Thank you for your reply. Just feeling very down and got no one else to tell. My phone seems to be dead. No text messages nor phone calls. i seem to be forgotten. This forum is the only place to escape to. As time passes by, I seem to be crying more.

When I cry at work, my boss is asking me, what triggered it now. What kind of question is this? Its the same thing, that triggers it. But people just don't seem to understand what we are going through and that life is not getting any easier.

I am curled up on the sofa. The television is on just to cut the silence. 

I hope, you are coping the best you can. We just have to do the best we can to survive without our other halves. 

Love and hugs

Xx