Struggling

Just been watching tipping point so hard my wife used to watch it while we were making dinner so many things on TV that I find hard to watch 

Hi Newb 

You're not alone. I'm watching the F1 highlights with my brother and father. But part of me is missing, no matter whom I'm with or whatever I'm doing. It's impossible to enjoy anything, don't you all think. Functioning not living I feel. As many of you have said, can't see ever being happy again.

I still struggle with listening to the radio as well. 

Hope we can all feel differently some day. 

Hi Newb and Mark.

Today I fixed some new Venetian blinds up  in the front room window. I just cant  be doing with nets. Taking them down. Washing them.  And then all that  fuss getting them to hang right once they are put up.  And a part of me felt guilty because my Anne loved her net curtains. Now they are laying in a heap ready to be throw away. More sadness at what was once and is now lost.  I so missed Anne's  comments even though sometimes they irrigated me a little.  'That doesn't look quite right Geoff." And " I'm not sure that I like them now." What I'd have given  to hear her voice  again whilst I worked.  Then as soon as the job was completed I felt nothing. No job satisfaction. No joy at my new blinds. I just looked at them blankly - my mind numb. My life was about doing jobs for us. Not me! 

Love and Light

Geoff.

Hi Geoff 

You're so right. If you make the slightest change in the home, I felt like I was removing a part of my wife. Just moving a vase from the window sill was enough to bring me to tears. I put it straight back. 

We are no longer whole, we are a shadow of our former happy selves. Forever half empty. Forever lost. 

Hi again Mark 

How can it be possible for men like us to change ?  I spent 50yrs ( half a century ) with a woman I'd have given my life for, my love was so strong. I'm pushing 74 now. How can I possibly create a new life? Oh I can survive, no doubt about that but I'm talking about fresh horizons, new adventures, new challenges. For me its  impossible. to wipe away 50yrs of being one half of a twin soul. It will always be us. Never me. Because the real me passed over the day I saw my sweet Anne take her last breath.

Love and Light

Geoff

Hi Geoff 

Eloquently put Geoff. 

Oh, Goeff,, our spouses will always be a part of us and no matter our age, those challenges you speak of, are all daunting to us. I'm 50 and, whether I I want to or not, next year, I am forced to make a lot of décisions about my next move. My contract here will be coming to an end and after everything I went through, I would just like to take a year off to withdraw from the world. Of course, money is always an issue. Will it be reasonable to do so, can I afford it, would my husband have approved, etc., etc.? I am terrified of facing all those changes by myself. I guess, we're all afraid of the future, wondering what sense it all makes now. I suppose we're even wondering if we have  a future at all. As you say, we'll probably survive but will we be doing more than existing?

Hi everyone 

Last night shift tonight this week. Another soulless week of work. Returning each morning to the empty lonely house. Going to be a miserable wet weekend, by the looks of it. I still find it easier to put my feelings on here, rather than try and talk to my brother /dad /sister or other family. As when I think of the word's I want to say, I immediately choke up and can't speak. Does anyone else have this trouble getting the word's out. It's also in those moments when I choke and tear up. It's 8 months now and it's still just as difficult to get the word's out without tears.

How have you all been feeling this week. 

Hi Mark, 

I know, how it feels at work. Had tiers this week too. Find it hard to talk to people. Also I find it hard just to look at them. I avoid any eye contact. When I cry, my boss drags me straight away to a meeting room and i walk through the office with my head down. Hate answering phone calls as my voice is just full of sadness.

I hope, you get a good night sleep and your weekend goes the best it can for you. Do little things, but don't put too much on yourself. 

Sending you love and hugs 

Andrea xx

Hi Geoff I agree with all you say about your wonderful life with your lovely wife. I just wondered if you felt like me. We was married for 51 years and I feel I am still married to him and always will be. It is 3 years since he passed but I just wondered if any one else feels the same as me. As the grief continues I feel as if I love him now even more, as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and Oh boy does it with me. Thankfully I have such a wonderful family and every time I see them I love thinking that my Ron and I bought them into the world. I am thankful that Ron isn"t suffering this grief as I am, we always used to say to each other that when one passes we are still married and always will be. Love and hugs to you. xxx  Carol.xxx