Struggling

Sorry to hear your having a bad day Newb, it’s terrible this journey never knowing how you are going to be feeling the next day,usually down.Im just sat looking at the sunshine Alan would have been in garden making the most of it,spent most of the summers out there,I was always having a little moan about how much time he was outside,wish I was still doing it.Hope you can keep busy so the weekend passes quickly as I don’t know wether it’s just me or not but the weekend seems worse.Im just waiting for my daughter so we can visit the cemetery .Take care.....Val

Hi Fiona, 

I don't think it really gets worse, its more that as winter arrives and everybody starts filling their minds with end of year you find that its something you aren't looking forward to. A problem that does tend to arise after about 6 months is that your friends family and even casual acquaintances that you know start talking about 'moving on' and 'getting back into life' and you may well get the urge to wring their necks for their insensitivity. I know that my family thought I needed to find a new partner at this time and I am no spring chicken.

At least you have a group of like minded people to spend a bit of time with and really the long nights don't have to be looked at with dread, you might by then have rediscovered your ability to concentrate, its not gone forever its just easily interrupted by unhappy thoughts. Try everytime you are drawn into thoughts about what Mark won't have think of the things he did have, and the times you had together. 

You can't change what has happened but you don't have to punish yourself  for still being alive.

D

Hi limbo 

Yes duck, 3 year's of this doesn't bear thinking about. People do get through their loss, but I don't know how they manage it. I feel like a small child again when you get separated from your parents  when out somewhere and you feel lost and terrified.

Everything you say is so true. We all feel the same emotions and I recognise all this is part of the grieving process but it don't make it feel any better. 

I've been for a walk on our local former pit tip this afternoon. We walked the dog there. The sun was shining, but it was bloody awful. Walking without my wife and our dog, I was close to tears at times. I have no idea how long it will take before I can go for a walk and enjoy it. My heads telling me it will never happen. The lost voice of our loved one is part of us, how can you ever not feel it. I don't have any answers. 

Hi Mark

I've ticked the 'Like' icon to initially inform you Ive read your post. Not that I 'Like' the sad message you shared. But we have no other option do we ? Especially if we've read another's post but feel we have nothing constructive to say in return. The 'Like' icon is all we have to say to that person "Hey! I've read your post. You aren't being ignored." Today I went down to see the site where our caravan was once sited before my Anne passed. I gave up the site because staying in the van would conjure up too many memories. It was Anne's pride and joy. She called it her Arcadia. Now it looks like a bomb site, waiting for the next holiday caravan to be moved on. I met old friends and had a wonderful afternoon but driving home the grief hit me again. I was yet again going home to an empty soulless house. And that's they way it always is. And always will be. Back to the silent soulless house that no longer has any spirit. A dead spot in my existance.

Love and Light

Geoff 

Hi Fiona

I know exactly where you are coming from. No matter what the outside stimulus is,  at the end of the day we are still alone and returning back to a soulless home. A home where all the spirit has departed along with our beloved. It's just happened to me yet again. Saw some old friends and had a wonderful time despite pausing every so often to realise I was on my own. Never again to see Anne's smiling face or hear her conversation in company again. Now Im bsck home to the silence. I can't get into tv films or programmes. And reading is beyond my ability to concentrate. I've given up Tai Chi and an ancient Chinese standing meditation I've been practicing for 20yrs. The spark has gone from my life. And like so many I exist. I survive. But I have no life. No purpose anymore. I lost my Anne 9 weks ago.

Love and Light 

Geoff.

Hi Geoff I to have a caravan I tried to have a weekend in it felt so bad I came home early my wife used to love caravanning now not happening again to hard

Hi Newb

How did you have the strength to do this my friend? I admire you for trying, I really do. My friends expected me to carry on staying at the caravan park. They said they would have given me support. But as I replied to them " Thank you so much for your kindness but the one thing you couldn't give me was my darling Anne. This was her van not mine. Anne has gone and sadly so has a caravan. But I will visit from time to time as you are indeed my friends." 

Love and Light

Geoff

To be honest I felt ill for a week it is now in storage to be sold in the summer I could never go in it again now I tried to walk the dogs and ended up in tears the dogs  were her children

Hi  Newb i my friend.  I understand something of your pain. And we once had a westie dog. He to was like our third child. We lost him to. Ive lost so many people now I'm just waiting in anticipation for my turn.

Love and Light.

Geoff

Hi everyone.

I am not quite sure how to say this. This thread "Struggling" has been going on for many months now but different topics are being discussed here. I am a member of different fora and mailinglists and my experience is that sometimes people who don't look at the first few messages aren't going to look later on either, even though the topics being raised somewhere in the thread may be important to them. So what about if we all start a new thread when something else or new arises for us that we would like to talk about? Just in case there are some of us who see "Struggling" and think "Oh okay, another message in this thread", but we have covered and are covering a lot of different topics every day. This is only a thought. I hope nobody will take any offense. Love, Mel.