Struggling

I have been trying meditation at night it's on YouTube been doing it for a few days now but I get to the field I see my wife at the other side but no matter how much I walk can never reach her can't seem to find the meaning for it though anyone know on here or have experienced that

My dad died when I was 17 he hadn't been ill and was on his own. Although I went to see him at the funeral parlour he didn't look like my dad at all. He'd had a post mortem to ascertain how he died. For a long time after years every time I was out and saw a man of my dad's age and build I was convinced it was him and he wasn't dead at all. Part of me wanted to run to this person I thought was my dad but I couldn't because if it wasn't him and obviously it wasn't I didn't want to accept he really was dead. I would have given anything just to see my dad one more time just to say how much I loved him. That was over fourty  years ago. I think we know in our hearts that person we loved and cherished so dearly  has gone but we can't let go, let them go and we have to, to move on with our lives we will never forget them and have lots of happy memories of them in time though what you're seeing right now is I believe you're wife and she is letting you know she will always be around but you have to let her go. I hope what I have said doesn't upset you because I know right now the place you are in is overwhelmingly emotional and looking for answers to help you move forward. My prayers are with you. Take care and remember the love that still surrounds you.

Thank you I was just grasping at straws I know she has gone but was worth a try 

Hello Mike

A couple of days a week I have something which gets me out. Tomorrow I go to a woman's drop in. On Thursday afternoon I go to a sheltered housing complex and help with a social time. I also try to meet my dad at some point. Of course these take only a few hours so much time alone. I don't drive so not out in the evening. 

Hi Mark, 

How is your week of work going? I hope, you find something to keep you occupied. You mentioned, you'd be doing walks. Have you done any? Is there a local social club, you could join? My husband wanted us to join one, but we never did. 

I also have plenty of holidays left. Normally i would have taken it for summer holidays, but that didn't happen this year. I am dreading to take it as i don't know, what i'd be doing. 

I was upset today at work. They organised a walk at lunchtime as today is the suicide prevention day. I burst into tears as my dad died of suicide 30 years ago. I said to my manager, that the poster on the wall upset me, as it brought up the old wound on top of my grief.

At least the evening was better. A friend of my husband came to see me. They worked together. She told me, that when my husband was in hospital, she text him, how he was. And my husband replied to her, that he married his Queen. We got married in the hospital  just after he was diagnosed. 

I hope, your day tomorrow goes the best it can for you. 

Take care

Andrea xx

Hi Andrea 

Work is just filling a few hour's of the day or night duck. I do production work and am sick of it. If I even slightly enjoyed my work, it may help me through the grieving process. But I don't, I've had 32 year's of it. 

Next week while I'm off, I'll walk down and spend time with Jaynes dad. I'll see my dad and fetch him to our house. But as everyone says, even with family and friends you still feel alone.

I'll force myself to get on my mountain bike. 

Like yourself, I've got 20 more days vacation to get in before Christmas. What I'll do to fill those empty days, I don't know. Grief makes it impossible to just sit and relax now we are alone, lost in time and purpose. 

As my father in law, says. You never get used to being alone, you just adjust it. I can't imagine another possible 30 year's of emptyness without my wife. 

As we all say, imagining a future for ourselves ain't happening for now. 

Sorry you've been upset at work, I know that feeling. It doesn't take much, with the best of intentions from work colleague's. Hope tomorrow goes a little bit better for you duck. 

Hi all I agree work is just a fill in for time I retire in about 16months don't know what I will do then can't see me feeling any better than I do now  if I hear a song or have a thought at work I'm off trying not to cry hope you can cope better than I have the last week have a good day for all 

Hi Newb,

You don't have to retire, its no longer mandatory you could opt to work part time or find a volunteering role. My father hated the idea of retiring even thought he had my mother so he continued for another 2 years of part time with his employer until he felt ready to pack up entirely. 

Some people continue because they won't get a decent pension and some do it for the social element, the structure that it gives to the day and the week so don't assume that you're about to be put out to pasture, chat to others see if they've given it any thought (the ones of an appropriate age of course) and ask HR if you have an HR department about the options, they may appreciate the forward thinking.

D

Hi,

I have to admit that I have been one of those work colleagues that have stuck their foot in it and I will say I felt terrible after that I didn't pick up on the cues that should have made me shut up but at that time I hadn't had the experience of losing anything other than one of my pets though that was bad it was nothing compared to losing a spouse. 

D

Sorry don't have hr here I work on large steam boilers heavy work  hard for me now so might have to look into volunteer work that should keep me busy some of the time