Struggling

Hi Limbo, 

I am sorry to hear, you are having a really bad day. 

I have seen, people on this forum have already replied to you to support you. This is great and I hope it gave you a bit of a much needed comfort. 

I have only just got back from work. This is my first week back. Only doing a few hours a day before getting back to full time. Its hard. I am losing my concentration and sometimes i just want to sweep all the paperwork from my desk and scream.

As others here say, there's no time scale, how long we will be feeling like this. I do hate people asking me, whether i am ok. Of course, we aren't!

I hope, the rest if the day will go better for you and you tomorrow will be a better. 

Hugs and kisses

Andrea x

Hi limbo 

Hang on in there. We're all feeling the same way. One day at a time is how I still take it after 7 months. 

Thank you so much for your words of comfort. As there's an 11-hour time difference between us, I wrote my message last night. I managed to get some sleep and woke up to your messages for which I am so grateful. It's not any better 8 months after. My husband and I did everything together and had very few friends. Right now, I'm living in a country where I have no friends, just colleagues, and that's not the same. I know I should join a club or soething but can't seem to find it in me. Anyway, today I'm returning to see my therapist. I hope talking and crying will do me good.

As it's evening now for you, I wish you as pleasant an evening as possible.

Much love.

Hi there I hope you have found some help on the thread where abouts do you live  there must be some clubs you can join hope you find some peace today newb

Hi Limbo,

That must be very difficult for you, I also did most things with my husband. We ran a business together and we too were a pair happy in each others company. It was very difficult for me in familiar surroundings but most of our friends were in fact work colleagues that I have not heard from since. In my case it has been 8 years now and although things do get better it does take time. 

Best of luck with the therapist.

D

Hi limbo 

8 months in like yourself. We did everything together like you and your husband. Lost doesn't begin to describe it. I feel the reality is sinking in, they are gone and it does make harder to bear. Facing the future along is something I try not to think about. We're all here for you duck. 

One day at a time. 

Hi all,

Your posts moved me to tears. Thank you all so much for the support. I felt the despair building up these last few weeks and last night was the worst. I saw the therapist this morning and although it has done me good to talk about the pain and the images I have of my husband's illness, I feel as though I'm not getting the guidance I need to help me cope. I'm seeing a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst as these visits are covered by Social Security here. I know their job is not really to tell us what to do but I thought at least he would give me little tips so as to alleviate the pain. I don't really know what to think. I just wish there was some quick fix, which there isn't. It's like you say, Celldaddy, the reality is sinking in now, months later. Of course we're sad and devastated during the first months but something seems to have shifted, which is making things even harder. I've never felt such complete and absolute loneliness. I still love my husband and don't know what to do with the love. I know we're all feeling the same way, unfortunately. We're all afraid of the future, trying to take one day at a time because we feel as though we've lost our purpose in life. What a mess! This is so depressing. Sorry.

I do hope you all find a little bit of joy today. And maybe I was wrong: maybe our purpose now is to share this experience with one another because it does help.

Hi limbo 

You're absolutely right about we've lost our purpose in life. I've just cut the grass and I'm thinking who am I cutting it for. My wife would be telling me to wash  the car, I ain't washed it for 3 months. The car means nothing to me now without my wife.

We can only hope with time, the pain and loneliness will ease. As for having a real purpose in life again , it ain't gonna happen I don't think.

Hope I'm wrong, but the future isn't to be contemplated for a long while. 

Keep posting our feelings on here,whatever we are feeling. It's helping me for sure. 

Hi Mark, 

You are absolutely right. 

I have lost my motivation completely. 

Anything i do, i am thinking, what i am doing it for. 

There are things, i just cannot be bothered to do. 

I used to cook every day. My husband was looking forward to come home after work and sit down together for dinner. Now, If i make myself to do a toast, that's an achievement. I think, i cooked three times in total, since he'd gone.

This is our life now and we can only hope, one day we can smile again, that one day we will enjoy what we are doing. 

Hugs and xx

Andrea

Hi Andrea 

God knows when that day will come duck. Day by day existence is the now. Functioning, not living. As you say duck, "one day we will enjoy what we are doing"

Excellent choice of word's duck. Hope it comes to all.