Struggling

Hi I'm in asda bacon roll just to break the day  wedding anniversary today so trying no to cry so lonely  not having them with you isn't it

So sorry for you Newb. Not the happiest way to spend your anniversary. I know it’s hard but try and think of the good times you had. I don’t know how I will cope on our anniversary, but it’s not till June so I am not even thinking about it. Just try and take it easy today Newb and think of the good times. 

Mike 

Hi,

I'm home trying to sort out my mum (who lives in the next village)  because I don't want to remember that it will be my late husbands birthday in a couple of weeks and this was always the time I started thinking about presents.

D

It must be very hard for you with the birthday coming up soon. The trouble is there is always something to remind us of our dearly beloved. Birthday, anniversary ,Christmas and many more special occasions . It just seems to get harder and harder. Hopefully being with your mum might take your mind off it for awhile. Take care. 

Mike 

Hi Andrea 

Your right, I've cut the grass this morning in the boiling heat and now the rest of the day is empty as it's too hot to do anything or go for walk. To hot sitting indoors as well. You just can't win.

All our familiar routines have been blown away and now I'm constantly clock watching for the hour's to tick by.

I've run out word's, as everyone has said everything we are all going through. I'll go and sit with my father and brother for the rest of the day now. 

Hi Mike, 

Its good you managed some breakfast. Did you go for a walk? I know how you feel. I haven't been for walk myself.

Only go to the shop to get 5 or 6 packs of lactose free milk and a loaf of bread and I know I do have to go there and meet people for at least a week. My main diet is a toast sometimes with cheese and tomato from our green house.

Managed to clean the kitchen window. Took my mind away for a little bit. But in the house again as this heat is too much for me. 

We haven't got much in our allotment. Only took it in in August last year. Same time when we moved house. As the plot was neglected, we had to do a lot of weeding and tidying. This spring we pruned the apple tree and the blackberry bush as both were overgrown. Then we put some potatoes and onions in. This is as far as we got as my husband fell ill at beginning of May. The weed took everything over. Been there a few times after the funeral. Did some weeding. A neighbor was so nice and cut all the weed and grass with his trimmer. I know i won't manage the allotment on my own so i don't know why i just don't give up now. But will have to make a decision soon.

At home we got a small green house. We grow tomatoes. They are very tasty. Have given some to my friends as there's too  many for just myself. 

Have you got a garden? Where do you go for walk?

Take care

Hugs and xxx

Andrea

Hi Andrea. At least going to the shop got you out for a little while. An allotment can be hard work for one person , but even if it got you out the house for an hour each day , it might be good for you . It’s just trying to get the motivation to do it. Your tomatoes sound nice and they will be good for you. 

No I haven’t been for a walk yet , but did some trimming at the ditch by the side of the house. The trouble is it keeps running through your mind “ why am I doing this “ but have to do something just to pass the day.

I am from the uk but my wife is Irish we lived in England all our lives but moved back here a couple of years ago . It is actually on an island of the south west coast of Ireland .its called Bere Island, so called because it’s on the Beara peninsula. There are some lovely walks here but not the same on your own. All the people are nice and friendly but at the moment don’t particularly want to meet anyone. But hopefully that will change. At least you got your window cleaned.

Hugs and xx

. Mike  

Hi Andrea 

I force myself to walk around the block, before work on Afters. I've keep saying to myself, I'll go for a proper walk. But like you it's not the same alone, it doesn't feel right. I did go for a proper walk recently where we would walk the dog. It was awful, without them. I haven't been since. Everywhere I could go for a walk, my wife and the dog have been with me in the past. So I ain't got the heart or will to do so. After 7 months going anywhere alone still kills me.

Hanging on in there, is as good as it gets for now. Hoping it gets easier with time for us all. 

Hi Mark it’s awful isn’t it everywhere you go seems to bring back memories. Life just isn’t fair is it. 

Mike 

Hi Mike 

Yes Mike, it's not like you can flip a switch and suddenly live a single life, we don't want that even if we could. I'm 54 and going through this torment, can't think of a possible 30 more year's without her. Don't want 30 more years away. 

I've realised now, making plans for retirement is an utter waste of time. Jayne died at just 57 years old. I will eventually adjust to living alone but never get used to it. My twin brother still lives with my 88 year old dad and has never had any body. He has been company for my dad after out mother passed 2013. My brother oddly may find it easier to live alone than I, when that sad time comes.

How we all now know the true meaning of loneliness. Hope we can all get through this some how and find some peace, if not happiness. Don't see how I can ever by happy again or maybe I'm being to negative. Only time will tell I guess.

What do I know, I don't know anything anymore. Stumbling in the dark.