Struggling

Hi Fiona. Yes 43 is so very young. Winnie was 68 but no matter what age our loved ones were the pain ,grief,loneliness and massive hole in our Hart’s is the same for us all. That was a lovely thing he did getting your family over from Dublin . You are going to Ireland tomorrow, i am going the other way on Saturday to see my sons and two grandchildren, like you say it will be a distraction. I am not looking forward to the journey on my own thou.

hope you have a good trip and enjoy the family .

good.night to all of you. Hope you all sleep. 

Mike 

Hello everyone,

I read most posts but not felt in the right place to write lately, as have been struggling last few weeks. 

It is nearly 8 months on and I have booked a holiday in 2 weeks time with a friend. I felt I needed a holiday but since I booked it I feel very low.

I am sure it will be alright and a break is what I need as I went to back to work what felt like, almost immediately.

Grief certainly comes in waves. I feel I was doing okay and then it hit me. There are things I still need to do but I am bit more relaxed on that front. Advice from my last bereavement support session was to write all the things I felt I needed to on a piece of paper in pencil and then deal with things that popped out when I was ready. I sometimes tell people around me that I am learning the basics again, like a child. For instance, taking care of yourself, healthier eating habits and now lists. The traumatic experience of losing a loved one has this effect. You lose focus on yourself and it comes accross as you don't care about yourself. I do care and gradually I am getting more energy to embrace changes (the promise I made to Richard and myself). Took the afternoon off, and had a lovely time walking round London and sitting in parks yesterday.

Back to the holiday...

I can smile at the memory of the many adventures we had together over the last 16 years or so. However, but there is no hiding from the fact that this is my first holiday without Richard and I feel very sad and tearful at the moment.

With lots of love to all,

Dutsie x

Was up at 2this morning can't sleep been tearful all day don't know why nothing different to any other day this is hell does anyone else suddenly have this problem first time of driving and Burst into tears

Hi Newb I have been tearful, I was looking for something in the kitchen this morning and I see all Winnie’s stuff in there, even things like a bag of flour which she used to make apple pie s with and I just start crying , I can’t control it at all. The days seem to go on forever . I have started taking a sleeping tablet at night that helps. Before all this happened I said I would never take something like that , but I don’t give a s##t anymore. I noticed in an earlier post you are the same age as me. How old was your wife, mine was 68. 

Mike. 

She was just 60  by 5days had her birthday in Macmillan ward 

Newb I am so sorry for you. I feel the pain you are going through.

 Mike 

Hi Newb again. You said about bursting into tears when you were driving. I am from uk but live in Ireland. Tomorrow I am driving over to England to see my sons. It will be the first time on my own, and I know there will be a lot of tears on the journey looking at the empty seat beside me. There are so many firsts we have to get through.

 Mike 

I always talk to her as I'm driving but I just gets the better of you after a while it's so draining

Maybe it was a blessing but my husband used to like the radio on and for me to stay quiet while he drove. I can't listen to the radio, its aways the CD player but he was always quietly focused on drive so that is something I don't have to bear.

D

Hi d we always chatted where ever we went mostly muttering are some driver ,,, I still do but no one to agree with me now