Struggling

Hi Mark hope they do you some good.  And your getting through work ok. Yes another day tomorrow of empty house and quietness 

mike

Hi Mike 

Yes, we never dreamt we would come to hate  silence and it screams at us unrelenting. The emptyness is all encompassing, it never leaves us.

Here's clinging to hope 

Take care Mike 

Silence also leaves you open to all the darker thoughts about the wretchedness of your life and I know from experience making yourself fill this silence with music or radio is even worse.

My husband was a committed Archers fan and he would have the omnibus on just to hear any bits he had missed in the week. I haven't listened since he died and I hate hearing the theme tune played.

As harsh as it sounds you have to come to terms with this and you will in time.

D

Hi D Silence and loneliness is the worst part of this journey for me . I have tried the radio and music but turn it of after a couple of minutes. My wife passed away 3weeks ago and I find it really hard. 

I read your profile and my hart goes out to you. I hope you are feeling ok. 

Mike 

Mike lots of paperwork  and other things I found its after the funeral  I found the hardest it's so final

Hi Mike, Hi D,

yes the silence and the loneliness are awful. Our house used to have the television on from first thing in the morning, we’d watch breakfast telly while getting ready for work, listen to the radio in the car on the way to work and have the telly on in the background for the evening too. We’d talk about what was on the news or the radio, we had favourite series that we’d record and watch when we had a chance.

now, the only time I can bear to have anything on is when I go to bed and i put the telly on low in our room so i don’t have to lie in the silence. 

I can’t bring myself to watch any of the unfinished recorded series we were watching because it would break my heart that he can’t watch it. I can’t put the news on in the morning because he isn’t here to comment and give me his opinion and because quite frankly I couldn’t care less what’s going on in the world because my world is in pieces.

i can’t read because my concentration is completely gone, i have piles of books waiting, i loved reading before Mark died but just don’t have the mental capacity now.

i used to listen to podcasts on my earphones every evening when i took the dog out for a walk, i didn’t realise that the contentment in my life was all due to the comfort, the companionship, the security, the safety net of subconsciously knowing your partner, your other half, your soulmate was there, somewhere, in your life. Now i walk the dog in silence, anxious about being out, anxious about going home again to an empty house.

i just can’t imagine ever feeling like a whole, normal, happy person ever again. I can’t.

Fiona x

Hi Fiona, 

How true is that! 

Its like someone has been reading deep in my soul and then wrote it down. 

Every single word its  nothing but true. 

Andrea

Me to I feel like that all the time I got to go back to work  Monday panic setting in already 

Hi Newb,Fiona and Andrea. Yes it’s true what you said Fiona, nothing matters anymore, like you said can’t read tv means nothing it’s just a noise in the background. I also have programs we recorded and I can’t watch them either. Life means nothing anymore. Still can’t eat what’s the point of cooking for one . Our lives hav changed so much in the past few weeks it’s unbelievable we were so used to having our loved ones and then in a matter of minutes everything changes. I don’t want to go to bed at night and in the morning I don’t want to get out of it , I just think here we go again another day of loneliness,silence and crying. 

Mike 

I have a video of my wife on my phone only a short film but I watch it every morning just so I can hear her voice I can never forget then