This wave of emotions

Hi

Sorry to have only just seen your message, sometimes this site updates when it wants!

Well done on returning to work. That must have taken alot of courage and energy. I hope it's helping, keeping busy is a good way to fill our days. 

Accepting offers of going out for lunches, walks and chats are hard I feel. The things we used to do naturally now feel very un natural. I certainly miss my husband saying "off you go" have fun, you look nice, just the little things.

I hope whatever you decided to do on Friday evening didn't add to your angst. Just take things at your pace, as you say nobody understands your grief because it's yours. It's painful, frightening and not something we can get over quickly.

I hope the sun is shining on you this weekend 

I lost my husband 7 weeks ago and I agree that it's difficult to go out and socialise.....I used to do things on my own like going swimming and to exercise classes, but we liked going out together, and when we knew that John's cancer was terminal we just wanted to do as much together as we could while he was still well enough. During the last 6 months, he couldn't do much and as he got worse I couldn't leave him for long. So I've got rather out of the habit of going for lunches etc, and haven't got many friends  we havanyway as wen haven't lived here very long and we were happy just to be with each other. My children, who don't live close by, want me to get out and about, go on holidays, make a new life - it's much too early for that. They don't understand how difficult it will be after nearly 40 years of marriage. Just getting up in the morning is a challenge.

Anne

Morning ladies 

thank you so much for your replies and yes it really is so difficult to even get up of a morning. I was really proud of myself for pushing myself back to work. But God it’s so painful I’ve not been in work since October but my finiances forced me back more then anything tbh. I feel I must be a tiny bit stronger because from October right up to last month. I just didn’t think I was returning to work. The thought of it scared the hell out of me. But I have done it although emotionally horrendous it’s another hurdle I’ve done.

My poor friend bless him was still sitting in the beer garden till gone 9pm last night. I pulled up from work yesterday outside my house and was in floods of tears looking up at the sky saying why, why did you leave me then going if there is a God why did you take him from me we loved each other so much and had so many plans. I think that wave of emotions hit me yesterday because I’d made plans to go out.

so anyway eventually I went and picked my friend up only because he’s grieving also he’s just lost his mum. I couldn’t face a beer garden so brought him to my house. We had a gin and spoke about our grief but even then I couldn’t relax I felt this guilt having a man in my house who’s only a friend. He did say to me on a number of occasions were as my friend gone ur not doing anything bad just having a drink with a friend so stop feeling this guilt.

i have woke this morning and sobbed the pain in the stomach is bad isn’t it. But I just feel so empty and lonely like we all do and even though I had company for a couple of hours last night I didn’t want it my heart was yearning to be snuggled up on the couch with my man. 

My poor friend was saying last night I am so so sorry you have lost your soulmate your one true love bless him. He said but you have a lot of living to do so try and make the best of it till you get up there to him. 

I thought I was putting a brave face on to the outside world but obviously I’m not my friend said it’s written all over me I’m grieving like hell x

hope you are all some how trying to enjoy your weekend x