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 Peter, I really do hear your pain. 

 What you had with your wife sounds very much what my husband and I had with each other. We only wanted each other, were enough for each other, didn’t want friends in our live or  anything that would distract us from each other... I sometimes even hated having to go to work because it would be time that we would not be able to spend together. And I also said to him a number of times that when he was gone I would see no reason to continue with my life.  I often had this very romantic idea that we could lie down in bed together and take a tablet or something and go peacefully together. Why we never did that I will never know. 

 Anyway, I am not saying to you that everything is positive and I am not telling you that it is easy. As for myself, I have found a way forward, however difficult and painful this maybe at times, taking my own life is not the way forward, this is something I have understood by now, and I figured that if I wanted to stay here, then I should make  The most of it. 

 Social anxiety and mental issues of what ever kind can be treated. I am sure you can get to your GP and talk to him or her about your issues.  Maybe you can get some counselling or some help.  Only with help Ken the feelings that you are experiencing right now shift. 

Peter, I hope that by writing down your heartfelt thoughts that this is helping you in some small way.  I hope that we are helping in some small way.  This is not an easy journey for anyone, but must be overwhelming for someone with your additional mental health problems.  I know you said your Gp  visits you on a regular basis.  Have you talked to him/her about all of your feelings.  Can I ask you (you don’t have to answer) but when was the last time you went out of the house.  I also get very stressed/anxious if I have to go out and do something, or even if someone is visiting.  This is something quite new for me and is probably part of grief, so if you had this before you are probably suffering even more.  I have a grandson with asbergers (a strain of autism) who does not deal with change very well.  He took his grandads death quite hard.  I am sending you strength for tomorrow to maybe step outside and widen your world a bit at a time.

Love Dolly xx

Sending you caring thoughts. 

The anger against the cancer you couldn't have done anymore than been alongside Linzi.  The anger against people that hadn't been in contact with you. Had liedThe laws that separate you and your daughter. Nothing you can do about those and fuelling that anger will do you no good and make you unwell.

Take care of yourself are you eating? Sleep probably difficult with nightmares remember you need rest. 

Keep that hope is there any other help/advice you can get on that matter with your Mollie? X

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Hi Peter

How are you today ? I really do worry over your mental and emotional state. I hope today’s a more kinder day for you. 

I tried antidepressants in November they didn’t agree with me and my opinion is they only mask the pain. Don’t get me wrong they work for a lot of people but I just knew they wouldn’t for me. I just felt unfortunately I am going to have to feel this enormous burn to even try to someday move forward. My heart really does go out to you it’s not out of sympathy for you by no means it’s out of the pure pain I know you are feeling. As we have all said on here unless you have been through it you will never know how bad it is. 

Where you suffer with social anxiety that in its sell is a horrendous thing can you not ask the doctor for a home visits  if he prescribes you something maybe they might help ? Or he could get you some counselling. Have you contacted Macmillan for some sort of support. I found talking really helped me. The end of last year I was right we’re you was I couldn’t get past the next hour never mind thinking about the next day. My work got me some counselling session at first I was like oh what the hell am I doing. But believe me it does work after about the Third session things start to click. 

Kepp posting in here so we know your ok. Your not alone you have all us in here as your viral family now. Perhaps when we are all up to it we can sort some sort of meet up days like other groups do on this site just a thought. It might help with your anxiety least we know what you suffering with so understand if you didn’t fell up to anything. 

Linz lives through you know Peter make her smile and so proud of her man X 

I feel a tad better than yestersay ,, i have councilling my first session next week .....it would of been linzi birthday next month our birthdays where two days apartbut im going to get a big balloon and send it to heaven ....thank you for your support and everyone who messages me ..i also have started growing sunflowers for my wife as she loved them .thank you once again x

Hi lovely to see your sunflowers growing. Good to hear you are willing to give counselling  a go. Small steps Peter  x