A horrible situation I don’t want to be in

Hi All,

I’d really appreciate any advice from you if possible. I understand this really is a complex situation. Also what I put here will sort of paint my Partner in a bad light and I don’t want to do that because he was such a funny sensitive man. But here goes the problem that’s racing around in my mind constantly at the moment no matter how I try to block it is his estrange wife.

When my partner was a live I never got involved with them because I didn’t think it was my place and I sort of understood we’re the wife was coming from. Over the years while they was together he cheated on her with a much younger girl then went back to her. Then not much later he started another affair that lasted 4yrs then ended that just before he meet me. He stated the wife knew there marriage was over but they lived together for financial reasons. I knew about none of these affairs till 2 years into our relationship and he told me. By that time I was well and truly head over heels in love and living with him, had he told me at the beginning of our relationship I’d of ran for the hills. He said he thinks the wife thought I was the 2nd affair due to it being so soon after. ( I am 100% not this other woman) Apparently she found evidence they spilt and a couple of months later I am on the seen. Hence this is why I didn’t get involved between them my heart actually went out to his wife no matter how bad he said the marriage was I felt he should of just walked away instead of putting her through that. For the first 2 years of my relationship I thought this woman was a absolute nutter. Till I heard about the affairs.

The thing that’s eating me up inside now is the way she treated him emotionally blackmailing him over the kids and money especially when he was dying what ever she could shed throw at him. I can’t get the images out my head the last few months how broken he was. He’d send me screen shots of texts she’d send him or he tell me or text if I was out shopping etc what she’s was saying now. He’s got a daughter from a previous relationship in her Thirties who is in contact with me. She’s telling me she’s having a hard time from the step mum because she wants a relationship with me. She’s threatening her she won’t see her half siblings if she carries on keeping in touch. Her own Mum died a few years back.

Do I show her all the texts the emotional blackmail she done to her Dad or again do I do nothing. My heads just such a mess The daughter is saying the step mum is crying on the phone to her saying how much she misses her Dad. I don’t know what to do for the best. I just want to greave in peace on my own for my man but feel I am letting him down by not letting the daughter from a previous relationship know what went on. I know this is such a unusual situation but I have no kids and I don’t know how this would effect the daughter knowing the way her Step mother was. But at the same time I’m wrecked with guilt feeling like I’m letting him down. My friends say tell the daughter, because this woman is horrendous and needs put in her place because I have put up with so much from her over the years. Yet I have never had to deal with the pain of someone cheating on me so I tried to understand how hurt she must of been and over the last 9 years and still must be very hurt over the affairs. But then my heart bleeds for the way she treated him.

I feel only people on here know how bad and painful losing someone is so I would appreciate any type of advise. The whole situation is really breaking my heart. I feel I am trying to protect people here and doing a terrible job at it I don’t know what’s right or wrong because my head is a total mess. Sorry about all this I just want to be me again instead of my head mashed with all this. I suppose I’m trying to see everyone’s side of this sad situation but I cannot get out my head the way this woman behaved and is still trying to control everyone.

Jane x