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Hi so sorry you are having such a low feeling. You are right you need to be waiting for your daughter. I can't tell you how to cope you are doing little by little. Hope you're looking after yourself and your cat. Take care and keeping reaching out 

Thank you one day at a time xx

Hi Peter,

Hope today you have a better day. It is so hard I cry all the time asking why. I think the worse part for me was when my partner was diagnosed because in the same week my sister was also diagnosed with lung cancer. To say my world turned upside down is a understatement. I then felt like you are now. I was thinking of ways in how to do myself in and make it look like it was natural and was praying to give me the cancer. I went into total meltdown. Couldnt eat or sleep, The two people I was closest to had now had this disease to fight. We’re any other time I’d have one or the other I could talk to it felt like I’d lost both that week. The thing that actual got me out of thinking that way was my sisters daughter my niece rang me upset. She was crying over her Mum because my sister couldn’t have any kind of treatment due to the lupus and a few other medical problems she had. Her daughter was sobbing to me on the phone she’s only 16 and she said Aunty Jane please tell me you will never leave me you are all I have left once this disease takes my beloved Mum. My friend went the pain your felling do you want to put that on your niece so fight. So eventually I put out my head of doing something to myself and started to eat a bit although it was crap I was still getting some sort of food in me. I also got rid of a lot of so called friends. They were to busy telling me there problems but could see I was a broken woman. I am also mindful that because I was so angry and not listening to people’s advice that’s why a few have backed off. Do you think you might be able to reach out to your family again? Or your wife’s ? Some people tend to give up dont they when they see someone in pure pain they look at it like Oh they are not even trying to help themselves so they will either back off or take another route in trying to be tough with you. Like what I think in your other post it was your Dad saying man up. It could be there are doing this to you for you to kick start you from trying to get you back on tract sort of thing. 

I hope you don’t mind me commenting on your post I just wanted you to know I to felt like you.I still do lost my sis January, my partner end of April. I feel so isolated and yet I do have people around me. My sister was a massive shock and very painful to lose but my partner my God that’s a different type of pain. Keep taking one day at a time it’s all we can do. But please try and take them thought out of your head about doing anything. This pain we are all telling can only one day make us feel stronger Jane X

Hi Peter and Jane

I just had to post a message to both of you.  My heart goes out to you both.  Your pain is so evident in your posts.   I know what you are both going through now is torture - the worst pain imaginable.  I was there,  in the same pain just three years ago.  Not wanting to wake up and wishing it was me, not Paul.   And I hated anybody telling me it would get easier.  How did they know?  But on this forum, I actively searched for posts that told me there was a light at the end of the tunnel because everyone here knew what this pain was like.  And I felt if others can get through it so can I.  

I just wanted you to know from my own experience, it does get easier to live alongside your loss and the grief.   The gut wrenching pain you are feeling now will lessen and you will be able to smile again - one day.  It is such early days for you both but time does pass. How I got to 3 years I don't know but I did.  I still miss Paul so very much.  I still cry quite often wishing all this was just a horrible nightmare but I do have times of happiness too.  

Not much consolation I know, when you are still feeling the despair,hurt and sadness you both are feeling now,  But I wanted to try to give you that small glimmer of hope that others gave me in the early days.  I know it seems impossible that you will ever feel any different to how you are feeling now.   I thought so too, but it does happen slowly, very slowly.   

In the meantime, look after you.  If you can, eat a little and try to sleep but if all you want to do is sit on the settee and scream and cry, do it.  Anything that helps you get through hour by hour.  I walked for hours and when I was indoors, I watched mindless TV.  Anything to stop my brain churning over everything.  But that might not be right for you - we all get through this differently.  The one thing I did several times a day, and still do, is read the posts on this forum.  It helped so much to know I was not alone.

Thinking of you both and sending hugs. 

Stay strong jane sending love and hugs ,one day at a time x

Hi Sue

thankyou for your kind post. It is a nightmare isn’t it. I was just doing this morning what you said you did reading through the posts and I came across Peters and my heart just bleed for him. That’s why I put mine on to let him know we unfortunately are going through the same thing like many others. I am hoping I’m sort of over that initial raw grief if that makes sense. I am eating a lot better now and another thing you said I watch mindless TV programmes to switch my mind of at times. I am far from being myself but feel I have passed some sort of stage in grief because Before I couldn’t eat and wanted it to be me not them. ( I’m probably trying to convince myself I’ve passed the raw grief hurdle)

I just knew once I lost my sister in January it wouldn’t be long for my partner he started showing all the signs like her of deteriating fast so I suppose I was grieving back them for both of them. Reading Peters post I could just see the raw emotion he’s still feeling over his lovely wife so was trying to say like you thankfully have to both of us hang in there. 

Thankyou again so much for you lovely comments it means a lot and Peter so true one day at a time x

In a way losing somebody so close to our hearts is something we will never get over ...people who i know say you will move on ..and i hate that saying i put as much yellow in every room in the house because lindsey is always with me and i will always do something everyday for her because i feel like me and lindsey are one now and im living or tryin at the moment to live for both of us .i was loyal to my wife and will remain loyal some of the people in my family say spending the rest of your life alone is going to be hard ..but loyalty is everything to me and the only other person i have to live for is mollie when she gets back in touch after being brainwashed by her mom but thats another story...and our cat tara .....if it wasnt for them id be be dead because me and lindsey created our own world and when you lose your world life isnt the same ..but like i said i have too live it for both of me n linz now and wait for my daughter who is starting secondary school this year and will start to think for her self and find me .stay strong eveeyone sending love and peace and hugs to everyone xx

I don't have any words that will take away your pain. I can totally get the wanting to be with your spouse. I get that a lot.

I too have a cat. X

Peter, I do agree; I don't like the expression "moving on" either, I must prefer talking about "moving forward", because moving foorward is what we do each and every day that we now have to face without our loved one by our side.

As for loyalty, I also feel very loyal to my husband and don't think I could let anyone ever as close into my life as he was. However, we never know what the future holds and I am sure that whatever is right for us is going to happen and will have their blessing because they would want us to be happy.

Love, Mel.

Hi Jane and everyone,

I do feel the same. Some of that row intensity of the first couple of months has gone. I too am eating normal again, even enjoy cooking and smoothy-making, and I sleep kind of okay, go to work, watch sometimes mindless TV or read a book where the story is not too deep just to take my mind off things, I socialise with people, go for walks, enjoy my work... There is some "new" normality coming into my life I think. Sometimes I think this is only the result of my getting used to my life without Paul. But I think it is actually more. It is beginning to live again. Like you, Jane, I don't really feel myself - I mean I don't feel like I used to be - but then why would I or why would anyone? because we all have gone through life-changing experiences, traumatic experiences, heart-breaking experiences and a pain we never thought existed. So of course we feel different, and yet, some things seem to be still the same and return to normal, don't they?

Love to everyone tonight! Mel.