Hi everyone,
Reading from Sussex in a different thread this morning about returning to hobbies that had to be put on hold for a number of years has made me want to write this post.
Because my problem is that I don't have any real hobbies. When my husband and I met in 2009 and I subsequently came to Ireland in 2010, the only thing that was important to me was that we were together and trying to secure a job as a bilingual secretary and, when that didn't work out due to the recession, opening my own holistic therapy practice. There was never much time for making friends. And there was no time - or I didn't take the time - to develop my own hobbies. Yes, I occasionally read a book when Paul was watching TV, later I began to listen to podcasts, but that was really it. And it was fine because Paul and I were enough for each other.
I think that, particularly because we knew that we would only have a limited amount of time left (not only because of the cancer but because of our age difference), I felt that taking on any new things like hobbies or making friends would take from our time together. That is a completely wrong way of looking at things of course because everyone needs some hobbies and some people outside of the relationship they are in.
So then Paul and I were looking for a house, got married, bought our house, and spent some glorious months here in summer of 2016 enjoying our new and settled life. Again, I wasn't thinking of developing a life outside our relationship.
And then we learned that Paul's cancer was getting worse. And we then had to discuss treatment options, do a lot of research for alternative treatments, attend doctor appointments, etc. and even when I had time to myself I wouldn't have had the energy or headspace to look at anything to do for myself.
From that time onwards until he passed away, I had no time, energy or headspace to consider things like making friends, finding hobbies, etc. All I did and wanted to do was to be there for Paul.
A short time after Paul passed away, I became aware of how empty my life was and that it was not only empty because I missed Paul so much but because I had noone who would be able to be there for me now. So I decided to go out and meet people. The few friendships I had developed over the years were very lose ones but I managed to make them firmer by really making an effort. I also joined Meet Up and walking groups in order to meet new people; and I did. I joined a yoga class. And I would say that I am not too lonely now and certainly have people around me.
So everything was fine until recently when my work became very quiet. And I realised that my life is only okay now when I have a lot of work during the week so that I can't really meet up with anyone, or only occasionally, and when I meet my friends during weekends. The more I have on the better I feel. But now that work is so quiet and I don't know when this is going to change, I feel lonely and as if there is a lot of emptiness in my life. I so wish I had developed a bit more of my own life while Paul was still around. Just developing some interests and hobbies, join some groups or clubs, building a network of people. And, mostly, I wish I had been able to secure a good solid client base over the years so that these times of quiet wouldn't happen.
It's kind of shocking to realise how empty I feel deep down when some of the things I need to keep myself busy break away, even though it is only momentarily.
What do you think about all that?
Love, Mel.
