I have been what’s considered a lurker as I found this site and discussions extremely useful when my husband was diagnosed out of the blue with terminal stomach cancer in early December but never posted.
He was given a 3-6 month prognosis as had spread outside the stomach walls and inoperable and decided not to do palliative chemotherapy as it would not cure him and only possibly extend his life by 6 months. Some may feel that foolish not to try but he wanted to spend as much time as he could well enough to be with his family and especially his grandchildren. We found the documentary on BBC called we need to talk about death extremely helpful and the fact that he was already saying he didn’t want chemotherapy gave him the courage to go that route.
We had 5 months of quality time doing things he wanted to do with family and being able to plan and say everything to him and him to us that needed saying. He wasn’t allowed to travel but we did things in uk instead like going to London to visit his old haunts where he grew up, go on an open top bus tour, go to Cheltenham racing, go to NBA match in London and many other days out when he was well enough.
His first goal was Xmas which he made but his second goal was to make his 70th birthday on 14 June which he sadly didn’t make but we have decided to hold his funeral on that day so he sort of did make it and we can celebrate his life.
He died at home with myself and my son who flew in 2 days before from USA and our daughter and was nurses by myself and district nurses and Sue Ryder nurses in last 2 days. The positives was that he experienced no pain until 2 weeks prior when he deteriorated rapidly and as the Macmillan case worker told me cancer comes at you like a train in the final few days which it did but he was comfortable and loved by his family and the nurses who were so lovely to him and us.
Thing I didn’t know was that if someone dies at home and a doctor has seen them in last few weeks obviously no post mortem is required but you have to instruct a funeral company prior to death so that they can remove your loved one after doctor certified death and that was very distressing doing so hours before he died when i hadn’t known or chose a suitable one.
Also I am still sitting here with the hospital bed and equipment around as they couldn’t collect yet and don’t want it here or people visiting me while it’s still here.
All the nurses and Macmillan case worker disappeared and never returned and I feel kind of abandoned as surely if the caseworker planned to visit two days later and he died in between she could have still come to see me but.guess they are very busy and I did appreciate their care.
Sorry fo the long post but thought it might help and inform some of you as other posts helped me xx
