Can't believe it all happened

Hello JoJo,

Your husband sounds just like mine. I to feel very much like you ,I'm s scared of life at they moment our husbands would grieve on their own and still do the practical things. We all have a part to play in our family and you both worked well. He loved you for what you are. your grief has mudded how you are thinking.

You must be lovely to have the love of a lovely man, he was lucky too.

Marie

PS. I use to call my son JoJo as a child.

Hi Jono 

It is just the grief making you feel this guilt like many of us in here. You must be a special person yourself for your lovely man to love you try not to be to hard on yourself. I feel guilty because I said to my man oh your always sick lately. Or if I’m not wrecked with guilt over that I’m feeling guilty over his Wife emotionaly blackmailing him. I can’t get passed them things at the minute and they are painful enough I dread when I get to the stage when he was diagnosed and started to fade right in front of me I’m sure il be riddle with guilt there over something. In away I’m glad we are all feeling this burn instead of blocking it out putting a wall up if this makes sense. Otherwise it’s would mess with us in years to come. So In away that’s showing we have strength because we are in so much pain we are feeling it instead of blocking it out. I do hope this guilty stage of grieving is the worse part for us all. and hopefully soon our minds let’s us think about the good times so it’s a lot easier on us and we can smile thinking of our loved one again instead of this pain. 

Take care of yourself and remember to have the love of a good man he seen how special you are so don’t beat yourself up over things. Your a special person yourself x 

Hi Jojo,

I know what you are feeling. Because I feel it too. And so many on here do. I am sending you a big hug and hope that you find something beautiful in today, even if it is just a little sunshine. I know it won't be the same as if your husband were here with you to enjoy it, but perhaps you can find a little moment of peace and happiness in it.

Love, Mel.

Dear All 

 Thank you for all your kind wordsI really do appreciate it .x I guess it's all part of the grieving process but it is so tough . I am trying to do the garden It helps me trying to grow things nurturing the plants silly really but it seems to help. 

Love & hugs to you all 

Thank you

Jojo xx

Hi Jojo,

I lost my favourite person in January. Like you, feels to me that it is worse now than then - maybe the numbness has worn off a bit and the sadness gets through more - I don't know.

I have great support, often from the most surprising of places, for which I am very appreciative, but still, when I am on my own, I am sad beyond words.

All of us think that there must of been something more we could of done to help, prevent or cure - and I think, part of the horrible tragedy of this disease is that none of us had any control of it at all - Jules and I discussed it a few times and she looked at me and said, I know that you would take this off me and die for me - hell I said, I would kill for you, never mind die - but the truth was and is, nothing any of us did caused it and nothing any of us could of done would of stopped it.

Deep in my heart, I know I did all I could to support her and make her life as good as it was possible to be, yep I have regrets, but I know all was done that could be done, was done.

So I am throwing myself into the hobbies I had that I put on hold for a few years, I do have times of happiness and I allow myself to enjoy them without guilt.

Much love to you Jojo

Dear Sussex 

You are amazing I relate to every word . I often wished it was me and I would have taken his pain willingly he always told me he would shoulder all our lives & take care of us all which he did but now I am alone without him. He taught me so much about all sorts practical things & made me into the person I am today not the frightened little girl when he first me I will forever be grateful to him for the rest of my life but I do miss him & finding it so difficult. 

I envy you that you are taking up hobbies I have things that I want to do but find it disrespectful to start a new life without him I feel I can't move on but I know I must try 

Thank you so much for your lovely reply, take care you will be forever in my thoughts for the words you said.

jojo xx

Dear Sussex 

You are amazing I relate to every word . I often wished it was me and I would have taken his pain willingly he always told me he would shoulder all our lives & take care of us all which he did but now I am alone without him. He taught me so much about all sorts practical things & made me into the person I am today not the frightened little girl when he first me I will forever be grateful to him for the rest of my life but I do miss him & finding it so difficult. 

I envy you that you are taking up hobbies I have things that I want to do but find it disrespectful to start a new life without him I feel I can't move on but I know I must try 

Thank you so much for your lovely reply, take care you will be forever in my thoughts for the words you said.

jojo xx