Four weeks ago tomorrow I lost the love of my life, my husband of 22 years and together for 25 years. His funeral is tomorrow and I have to say goodbye to him, I don't want to, I miss him so much. I am lucky to have a lot of love and support from friends and family but I don't know how I can enjoy my life without him. It all happened quicker than anyone thought it would, he was diagnosed with brain cancer on 31st October 2018 and passed away on 17th April. I can't get the last few days of his life out of my head. I don't even think of him in the past tense at the moment, he is so much a part of me. I have mixed feelings about tomorrow, I will be glad when it's over but then I don't want it to be because it means I have to plan my life without him. I don't think it's really sunk in yet as there has been so much to organise and arrange. I guess it's a journey we all have to reluctantly take. Love to you all
June xx
I'm so sorry for your loss
The funeral does take up alot of our energy to organise and family and friends are a good distraction.
Be kind to yourself tomorrow and do whatever you want to do. Saying goodbye is the final act we do with our loved ones and it will be an extremely emotional day.
The following days just do whatever is necessary, eat and rest often.
Post on here, we all understand.
Thank you all for your kind words.
The funeral although sad was also very uplifting, there were so many people there who knew Paul saying wonderful things and relaying their memories of him, I already knew what a wonderful person he was but to hear others saying how much he was loved and respected and I am so proud of the man I loved and will always love with every inch of my body, heart and soul. He will always be a part of me and Friday reinforced my belief that he was unique and is irreplaceable. I tried to read a poem I had written for him but didn't get far so the celebrant who handled the ceremony with such sensitivity finished it for me. Towards the end of the celebration of Paul's life he read an amusing but loving poem Paul had written to me not long after we met 25 years ago. Paul was brilliant at writing, he wrote a blog during his illness in which his humour and fortitude shone through which others followed avidly. I am lucky that I will always have his words to comfort me, even though they will also make me cry.
My two sons are going home today, they both live abroad but they are in touch regularly and will get back to visit me soon. I have lots of friends and family who are supporting me so I do count myself lucky, I know I have to deal with life and try to carry on as Paul would have wanted so I'll do my best. Paul and I were members of a lawn green bowls club and were due to go on a bowls holiday tomorrow, I debated with myself whether to go on my own as it is so soon after losing him but have decided to as I'm sure it's what he would have wanted. So I'm off to Bournemouth tomorrow for 5 days with a wonderful bunch of people who insist I'm part of their family and they will look after me. It will be hard being there without him but I'm sure there will be good times as well.
Thank you all for listening, sending love and hugs to you all.
June xxx 
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