Does it ever get better

Dear My Angle..

I am a similar time scale to you because my Paul died on 15th May of last year. What From my experience, it does get better - "better" in the sense that you can learn to live with the grief and cope better when it hits you. Time is not a healer in situations such as ours, but time makes coping easier and gives us the strength to carry on. I hear your pain and despair about still feeling so pained every day and having to wonder about your purpose now that your darling husband is gone. I think that is normal, particularly after such a long marriage. But I am sure that, if you hang in there, you will find that things slowly get better.

Love, Mel.

Dear Mel I am sorry for your loss it must be getting very hard for you just now as it’s very close to the year mark, I think I just find it really hard because we were together all the time near another my husband was a farmer who helped run his dads family farm and when I was not doing my own job I was with him helping out on the farm, if we went out it was together or as a family with our children and grandchildren, Michael was my rock when I lost my parents I was young when my dad passed he was only 49 years old and my mum passed away at 75 and Michael always knew what to say to make me smile when I was sad, and I just don’t know what to do now and what direction to take, I still help with the farm when I can as I have my granddaughter sometimes but I’ve not yet been able to go back to my job as I am a career and I’m not sure if I could do that again, I just feel lost in a world I don’t belong but I suppose one day it will get easier and I will be able to move forward with my life, I hope you are doing as well as you can at this time will be thinking of you on the 15 th take care love and hugs Miranda x

Hi I'm sorry you feel so lost and lonely. How to breach the gap is hard to say as in a crowd can feel lonely too. I'm back at work and people have been supportive. However caring is very different so I appreciate that's not a job but vocation and only something you can return to wholeheartedly. It upsets me to hear you don't want to go on think of your special moments ahead with your granddaughter. It's so tough and I'm sure all you do at the farm is appreciated. Your bound to feel lost with the gap from your job but your huge loss when Michael passed. 

We need to look for a way ahead and carry them with us especially as time moves on. I expect there's a greater awareness of that on the farm. Take care xxx I don't like to presume but I would imagine Michael would have something to say on the matter? 

Hi wifeof26years thank you for your reply, I know that anything I can do to help with the farm is always appreciated and yes caring isn’t just a job that’s why I’m not sure if my heart is in it anymore, though everyone tells me that I should do it again because I’m such a good career but I will just have to see where that takes me, yes Michael would tell me that I need to do what’s best for me Then he would kick my butt , but most of all he would tell me to look after me before anything we might not always have got on in life, dose anyone have a perfect marriage? But at the end of the day he would always protect and care for me, he would be most disappointed in our friends at the moment because it’s like he never excited to them nor did I because out of all our friends only 2 keep in touch or pop in to see if I need anything doing, we didn’t have friends that were separate all our friends were both our friends so I really have got to try and find a way of making new friends, but I don’t really like going out so that’s a tough one, I was thinking of joining a gym as I always used to take care of myself but that’s slipped a little at the moment, I am not one for wearing makeup never have been but I always kept myself fittish so maybe that’s a good start it also may just help me make new friends. Thank you again and take care Miranda x