Funeral tomorrow

Hi Grampy66

I hear & feel your pain & having been there I know what a surreal time it is before the funeral. I also visited my husband beforehand, I felt I needed & wanted to & for me if confirmed he definitely wasn’t coming back & that it wasn’t my mind playing  some cruel trick on me. So very hard to do but I’m think you will be glad you did it in time, I’ve never regretted it. 

On the day of the funeral I didn’t really know how I would feel- I was dreading it with all my heart, worrying about my children, my parents, mother in law (who’s 88) & whether I would hold it together or break down completely.... I don’t cry all that often but when I do it’s like a tsunami, & the thought of losing it big time with my children there was a worry to me although no one expects you to hold it together anyway. 

Because my kids are still young, I felt on the day the need to keep calm so walked the dog & even put the washing out beforehand- sounds bizarre but it was my way of trying to keep calm. The actual funeral felt like a bit of a performance to be honest as people had written tributes, poems etc & I was waiting to hear all the music choices we had carefully chosen. Having said that, I was pleased with how it went, it was a fitting tribute & it felt right. 

Afterwards you don’t know how to feel or be, once you stop being busy it’s a strange sensation as you have time to “feel” & that can be scary. I felt exactly the same as you about having my husband back- to begin with I would have honestly taken him back under ANY circumstances, even in that hospital bed we had installed at home for a month before he died. About 3 months later, out of nowhere, I suddenly thought yes I still want him back so much but NOT like that, not just existing & not living , it was a small but significant shift in thinking but it did happen. 

I will be thinking of you tomorrow & send you love & gentle hugs. You will do her proud I’m sure. It’s so raw right now but gradually, very slowly, you will remember happier times & not just the last 12 hours together- I promise.   

Love Sarah x

Thank you Sarah, beautifully put. At least I don't have young childeren I can only begin to imagine how much harder that must make things for you. I have only me to deal with. You must have a lot of inner strength but then it's the childeren that give you that. Knowing you felt the same about having your loved one back with you makes me feel that perhaps that is a normal want for some of us. It was very hard to walk away from her this morning. I cried so much it was hard to breathe as my feelings all crush in on me. We talked and hugged and I just let all out all the feelings of anger at having been felt this hand to a women that has never hurt a living thing. Why was she made to suffer for three years just waisting away to nothing with a new bonus problems around every corner.

Just need to thank you for taking the time to write to me xx thank you

Just popping in to let you know that I will thinking about you today as you lay Diane to rest.

Look on the day not as a day of mourning but a day of celebration of the wonderful times you had together. You made a lot of memories in the last 15 years but you know that

Love Lives On

by Unknown

Those we love remain with us
for love itself lives on,
and cherished memories never fade
because a loved one’s gone.
Those we love can never be
more than a thought apart,
for as long as there is memory,
they’ll live on in the heart.

No one can take away the pain, the hurt, the resentment you are feeling today but gradually these feelings will ease but your memories will last forever and a day, and the last smile she gave you as she closed her eyes for the last time will remain in your heart forever because deep down you know that smile and the gaze from her eyes were the only way she could tell you the words you had both said to each other so many times over the years, three little words '"I love you"" that you will keep close to your heart forever. Draw strength from these words to see you through the day and the days to come.

When the day is over you know that you can come back on here at anytime for a chat or let off steam this is your safe sanctuary to release your feelings and as you are already doing supporting other members of the group it is only by supporting each other can life go on.

At 2pm today we stand with you shoulder to shoulder in the memory of your Diane, taken from you but not forgotten.

Ian

.

Beautiful words Ian. Thank you I shall take them with me today to remind me. 

I don't want to get out of bed. 

I don't want this day to start

Dear Grampy66,

Thinking of you today and hope today goes as well can do. I agree with Ian it's a time to cherish the good times and hope it sees you through the day.

Chat later,

With lots of love, Dutsie Xx

Grampy66

Just to let you know I am thinking of you today and will be with you in spirit at 2pm.   

I know you don't want today - understand that completely.  But your wife will always be with you - in your head, your heart and the wonderful memories you have. 

Special hug -  you can do this. 

Thinking of you right now, sending kind thoughts to you, wishing you peace and love as you say goodbye to your much loved wife I hope you can find strength from knowing how much love you had and have for each other xx 

Thinking of you right now, sending kind thoughts to you, wishing you peace and love as you say goodbye to your much loved wife I hope you can find strength from knowing how much love you had and have for each other xx 

Dear Grampy66,

Warm feeling to you today. It is hard saying goodbye. When everyone is gone and you feel alone please remember that so many of the Community are standing by your side. And most likely your loved ones are there with you in spirit. 

I know that even now after a year  I can sense George’s presence when all is quiet and I am being mindful. I wish you the same peace and calm of spirit.

warmest regards,

Millie