Funeral tomorrow

Grampy66

Just got in from work but I’ve been thinking of you today. I hope it all went as well as it could do, it’s an incredibly difficult thing to have to face.

A hard day done but I’m sure your Diane is so very proud of you. Like others have said, we stand with you. 

Keep posting, keep talking, we aren’t going anywhere.

love & hugs

Sarah xx

Grampy66 

Been thinking of you today it is hard to say goodbye, I know but keep posting here the community is behind you,even if you just want to rant we all understand as we are all in the same situation, 

Love and hugs sent to you all Angh79 

Well I did get up and start the day. No other choice really was there .But and it's a big but, It was just a little bit easier knowing you were all there with me. I have never felt the need for forums or clubs and stuff, always been a bit of a loaner. I can honestly say I would be struggling without this forum.

It lifts me up to read your kind words.

It shows me I'm not alone.

It makes me cry when I read some of your profiles and see others with very similar stories to ours and that is what is helping me the most. Any of you that have read mine then you know who you are. 

I couldn't tell many details of the service. I know how it went because I wrote it but beyond that it was a like surreal out of body kind of thing. I remember carrying her in thinking don't catch anyone's eye it'll set me off. I remember putting her down  and just standing there and not wanting to sit.

We didn't have a religious ceremony as that's not what we are. Jane took the service as she did our daughters last year. It was a humanist ceremony. Poems, music that kind of thing. A celebration of the life Diane had.

She has one of those voices that is so calming and smooth. She could sell me anything. She read my part for me as I knew I would never have got the first line out and believe me there were a lot of lines. Someone said after that must have taken a lot of time and effort to write when in truth I came home from the Hospice the day I lost her and just wrote down how I felt. The truth, no holes barred  the bare me and how I felt.

It made people cry,

It made people laugh. 

I sat there staring at some fluff on the carpet! 

Tears streaming and the feeling of weight on my chest making it hard to breathe. 

Then the music. Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden. 

The same music we played at our wedding we loved it. It was us. 

That was hard. Then when at committal the curtains closed. At that moment it hit me again. That's it...... She has gone. It was hard to walk away. But out I went, then you have the meet and greet we will call it. All shuffling past in line saying the usual thing you say on an occasion like this. Then there are always certain people that get me. The genuine ones. The ones that are their for you. You don't have many but they are the true friends. Now most of our friends were Diane's friends. Most of my family are gone. My friends are the other side of the country as I moved away. But Diane's friends were there and two in particular that had been in contact throughout. They get to me and we just look at each other and lose it completely and I'm hugging these two ladies I don't really know but we are connected ... and it was a release..and it felt good.

Moving on cause I'm rambling again now and forgetting what I actually wanted to say we ended up at the pub where the rest is a blur of cloudy cider and something called yeager bombs that the younger generation said would be good for me. Not sure about that but hey its our day. 

Anyhow what I wanted to say was thank you 

Thank you for telling your stories, thank you for making me realise I'm not the only one in the entire universe going through this. 

Thank you for taking the time to let me know you are all out there and listening.

And thank you for (and I didn't expect this to be a thing) making me cry my heart out nearly each and every time I come here which is most nights as they are the worst. 

I'm glad you are all there 

Richardxxx

Morning Grampy

I’m so glad you’ve got in touch & told us all how it went as a lot of people here truly care, thank you for updating us. 

What an emotional & difficult day. But you faced it & you did it for Diane. It’s a strange feeling when the funerals over, I felt a bit lost, & directionless, as it had become the new focus for a  short while. I didn’t feel any different about my loss, it still hurt like hell but I just thought & what now? 

All I can say is trying to get out a bit each day & not become a hermit helped me- I made myself do it, nothing too strenuous or difficult but by making myself take short walks it connected me with the here & now, made me notice things & what was going on in this world if you like , & not just in my own head.

My husband fought so hard to stay with us, I didn’t feel like I could chuck my life in the bin. It would’ve been disrespectful to him.

 I hope this weekend you can have some comfort in knowing you have done the very best by your Diane, right until the very end. That is a huge accomplishment & she would be rightly very proud of you. 

Sarah xx

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you x

I'm really grateful you shared how your day went. That going through it all over again...

I am glad you found the ladies you connected with. Now this bit which is completely individual and up to you. Keep in touch as you know it helps to share. So sorry this is your path however we can be by your side. 

Hello Grampy66

I have been following your posts and so feel your pain. I lost my darling husband Paul on 19th April and still have to go through the final step of saying goodbye to him. I have a lot of support from family and friends so count myself lucky but reading how people like yourself feels is comforting as no one who hasn't been through this hell can know how it feels. Paul was my soulmate for nearly 25 years and I cannot imagine how I am going to be without him. 

I am dreading the funeral on 17th May but know that it is another step in this journey I have no choice but to take.

Thanks to you and the others in this group for sharing your feelings, I will try to gain some strength from those words.

Love and hugs

June xx

Hi June, what can i say other than i am so sorry that you have lost your husband and soulmate. Other than that i'm pretty new to this too. But you are right, it does help reading how others are feeling as you know you are not the only one. Beyond that i am not much further ahead than you in this journey. The time between losing Diane and the funeral was a strange time, surreal. It was like i was doing everything from another persons perspective if that makes sense? Hard to explain it was like i was watching it all go on. I was not looking forwards to it as you probably know but in some way it helped. i cried lots and still do. It comes out of nowhere then hits me and i cant stop it then its gone again, but to cry with some of her friends did me good.

After the funeral was different again, once everyone has gone and you are on your own is tough. But as you say this is a journey we are all making together, all at different speeds and all at different places along the route.

As for me i know she is not coming back, i know that, i still talk to her as if she is here and her things are everywhere just as she was here but its very early days yet.

i visit here when i am a bit down and usually in the evening, i don't know about you but for me evening and nigh time are the worst. its just nice to know someone has read what i have written. it helps to try and write something that can help you but its only words, its all any of us have.

You will get through on the 17th and come out the other side as i have.

Thank you June.

Love and hugs even when they are virtual ones are what we need

Richard xx