6 months since my wife of 42 years and I'm not doing as well as I thought

Hi Ian.

My sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. You were together such a long time you have every reason to be struggling. You were part of a couple for so long, you must have lots of lovely memories to recall which will be a comfort.

I don't know how old your grown up children are but I am sure they would want to know your true feelings and help, support and comfort you.

I also think your wife's family want to keep you close as you are their biggest link to her. Having you there will be a comfort and reminder of happy times when you were there as a couple.

I have just passed my husband's first Anniversary on 31st March and I no longer have bad days. I do cry and get angry as he was only 47. We had slot to look forward to and our children are so young 19 and 13 and they now have a life time without him being present. But we talk of him often and cry together if needed. 

I want him to proud of us and we have to live our best lives for him and without him.

You are still very early on this journey and you will  have accomplished  alot more than you thought possible. You have every right to do things your way and I feel sure your family will support whatever you decide. If you need alittle time to yourself that is perfectly fine and they will understand. 

This site is great for off loading and we all understand. 

Be kind to yourself 

Hello ianb, the first sentence in your post echoes my feelings, I am not lonely as I have wonderful family and friends , but yes I feel alone too. It is only 11 weeks since my husband died , we had been together 43 years.Like you I am doing things for my children so they won’t worry about me, go8ng on walks , accepting invitations for coffee etc, but it doesn’t stop this awful feeling of being on your own.

You were so right ,my children have their own grief for their Dad and they don’t need me adding to it

As toy your question when will life calm down , at the moment I feel never, I will miss him til the day I die, and beyond!

Perhaps we should have talked or somehow prepared ourselves for this to happen to one of us, but if you are happy you just don’t think of it do you?

Maddie

Hi All 

I can understand so well what you have all said. Our lives have changed so much it will never ever be the same again but I suppose we should be so grateful for the love we shared & yes I have so much to be grateful for but I am so unhappy just sort of getting through the days making the most of it. 

Jojo 

Hello Everyone,

It's almost been a year since my George died (April 11) and I still miss him. Still almost reach for a jar of pickled herring for him.

I am lucky that I have friends and family around me supporting me, but it still feels empty, the house, the activities we shared even Skipi (our dog) is processing it all. It is easier now than it was 6 months ago. We are recovering slowly but surely- I just have to remember not to go by the isle that has the pickled herring.

Millie

Hi everyone.

A big thank you to those who responded. There were some very thought provoking words and sometimes it's enough to remember how many people are going through this awful process.

I really felt for the person who was only 11 weeks after losing their other half and in a way it made me realise that things do get better.

The loneliness should give way to good memories and I count my self so lucky to have had 42 years with my wonderful wife Margi.

There are progressively less bad days and that helps. Yesterday, for no specific reason was a very bad day and even just receiving a like helped so much.

Today is another day!

Thank you all once again. I wish everyone in this group lots of calm and tranquillity and happy memories..

Let's all keep doing the right things for children, family and friends and be grateful for the happy times we've had. Many people never find the special person.

Ian  

Hi Ian

I haven't visited this site for a few days and normally I just read all the posts which I find very comforting.  However, when I read your posts, I felt I had to respond as I could have written your words myself and could identify with everything you said.  The week after next it will be 5 months since I lost my husband.  We were childhood sweethearts, we married young and had 46 wonderful years together.  He was diagnosed in August and passed away in November.  For me, it's not just the loss, it's also the trauma of watching this wicked disease take hold so quickly and watching him trying to fight it without being able to help, was like torture.   

I also have two grown-up sons and I try to stay strong for them, as well as the rest of my family, as they were all devastated and I don't want to add to their grief.  I had the most wonderful husband for all those years and I try to focus on how lucky we were to have met and been so happy for so long as some people never find this sort of love.  I miss him every single day and still feel alone even when I've got company but I try to imagine how sad he would be to see me struggling and this does help on my bad days.  It also helps to know that other people are going through this awful journey and feel just the same as I do.  

Wishing you, and everybody else in this group love, strength, peace and tranquility.

Best wishes

Jackie

Hi Jackie,

Thanks for the positive note. Margi and I met when we were 15 so like you and your husband the life together was wonderful and all we ever knew.

My thoughts are with you for the short time you had between the diagnosis and your husband losing his battle.

Your comment about you trying to imagine how sad he would be to see you struggling resonates with me and I guess we'll both keep focusing on that on the bad days. Thank you

Take care

Ian