Wedding anniversary - what did you do?

We didn't make a great thing of our wedding anniversary, as we were often on holiday when it occurred. The last one we celebrated together was rather poignant, as we knew it would probably be our last (the 46th). It was a lovely day, so we asked some friends round for coffee and cake in the garden, which we followed with a celebratory glass of something special. A bittersweet occasion.

This year on that date I invited four of the same six friends round for an evening meal. It wasn't specifically to mark the anniversary, but it gave me something positive to focus on that day.

Maybe this is mean-spirited of me, but I find other people's anniversaries (beyond the 46th) hard to bear now. I'd rather not be asked to share them, and hate myself for feeling like this.

Our anniversary 2016 was our Ruby, so very significant. Shortly after my husband was diagnosed with Mesothelioma and died 15th Feb. When our anniversary came around in Sept  I booked the day off work and walked around the lovely grounds of Blenheim Palace. I felt that I was better off outside. I then went and had coffee and cake. For me whatever I did was shrouded in sadness as this was the first one on my own but I did what felt right for me. I know this wouldn't work for everyone but I have discovered you have to find your own path. I am now approaching the first anniversary of Roy's death and am currently trying very hard not to relive the days leading up to it when he was in hospital but it's obviously very hard. My daughter and I have both booked the day off work but haven't yet decided what to do apart from the obvious and lay flowers on his grave. I honestly can't believe this year has gone by so quickly, most of it in a blur as far as I'm concerned. But I've made it. Just have to focus on getting through the next few weeks a day at a time. Hope this helps xx

Hi Novembergirl  ( yu do know it's January don't ya ? ) he he ! 

Anyway, anniversaries  to me the build up woz worse than the day itself .We never made a great deal out of birthdays and our wedding anniversary but we wud celebrate and have a meal or something.  So for me those two days past relatively calmly .My worse day woz Christmas day it woz horrendous and seems to have set me back months . All I wud say is try to occupy yrself on the anniversary dates or meet with someone to distract yur mind .Not easy and some days I can't even practice wot I preach . I wish yu and everyone else on this Rocketship of doom all the best possible. 

BIGG  SNUGGS 

                     Wonderous 

We buried my husband's ashes on our Wedding anniversary (6th Jan) and went and had a pub meal and drink with my son.  Len died on my birthday (24th November).

We were not going to bother with Christmas but at the last minute we did and got devs out on Christmas eve and had a dinner.

We always exchanged cards, small presents and a meal for anniversary.  So I had a card made (online) and purchased a tree to be planted.  The card is in my memory box.

Finding things so difficult now so it helped.  I coped at first when there was so much to do but not now.  Found the planning of the anniversary helped me but next time may be different.  Keeping busy in the daytime but the nights seem so long.

Hi Novembergirl,

I was going a campfire to scatter some of my husband's ashes and I discussed with a friend a good date as various scout and guide leaders wanted to attend. We choose the first Wednesday in Sept as the kids would be back but most groups don't meet that day. When I booked the site I realised it was out wedding anniversary.

So I spent it with lots of friends, singing songs, drinking hot chocolate and toasting marshmallows. It was as perfect as it could be.

Peace and hugs

Well I spend my wedding anniversary without my husband , I will get a card and for my husband and myself , some red or white roses. We would have been 11 years now married still a young marriage , if nice wise men had not messed it up for us. I think you all know what i am on about , if you read my worries.

What an interesting thread you have started here!  

Significant days are always a problem, however they become less of a worry as times goes by....although they may still have the ability to bite you on the bum!  Wedding anniversaries were never huge for us and I hope I don't shock you all when I tell you that our 35th anniversary happened eight days after he died.....and  was also the day of his funeral.  The funeral director said the crem had had a cancellation (no, I can't quite work out how that happened....a cancellation?) and it turned out to be at three.....the time of our wedding.  It felt to me like the circle of our lives was completed...I can't explain it any other way.  It was a true celebration of not only his life but of our lives together with lovely music, respectful words spoken and memories shared with thanksgiving and, yes, laughter.   I look back on that day each year and know that our circle will never be broken. 

The anniversary of his passing is always a quiet, reflective day for me, but not a sad one now.  This year will mark the twelfth anniversary and my memories have become sweeter so that I no longer go to the last weeks and days but think of how we met, our first house, the children...and all we built lovingly together.  That is what now counts for me.  However, it would have been his 70th birthday last October and on the day I decided to go to a place which was special to us both.  On the way I found myself in tears and decided to park somewhere safe until the storm passed. In doing so I somehow managed to clip some wooden posts...............and wrote off my car...... You'd think, after all this time, that I'd be on top of it.  Bitten on the bum good and proper.  What an idiot!  And no, wasn't hurt at all, except I felt such a fool.  And the kindness of strangers to an idiot sitting in s bashed up car and in a snotty heap was just wonderful. 

And the posts? Not a bloody mark on them!!!!!! (Excuse me!)  

Whatever you all decide to do I hope these special days will be filled with wonderful memories of all you built together and the love you shared.  These are the things which endure for ever - be proud of them and celebrate them. 

Warm hugs on this cold and windy day. Xxxs

Hello Novembergirl

Our wedding anniversary is also at the beginning of March (4th) and will be the first without him.  Like Yellowhammer last year was our 46th anniversary and I knew it would be our last.  Amazingly, our son remembered (he was amazed too) and we spent it with him and his wife and our two small grandsons.  My son took a few pictures of the happy couple and framed one.  It's a nice picture but my husband just doesn't look like himself as he was so bloated with having been on steroids for several months.

Wedding anniversaries were never really a big deal but I usually booked some sort of holiday or short break.  My husband was also known to forget occasionally but it didn't bother me all that much, just gave me ammunition to torment him from time to time - lol!!  We weren't exactly a romantic couple but managed to stay together for all these years.

I'm not much help I'm afraid as I haven't really thought about what I'll do this year but after reading some posts, maybe it would be a good idea to scatter some of his ashes in the garden on that day - in fact the more I think about it, the more apt it seems.  It's on the cards for the remainder of his ashes to be taken to a favourite place on the north west coast of Sutherland where it has been a family tradition to spend Easter for almost 40 years. 

You will no doubt find what is the right thing for you to do as the date approaches.  Perhaps you will come on here and tell us?

Best wishes.

Chrona

Thanks so much everyone, there is so much food for thought here. It's obvious that everyone is different and does things in their own way, but there is a thoughtful and contemplative feel to all your approaches that I think I'll try to emulate, so maybe a walk or a quiet coffee with a friend, and then perhaps a cosy evening with my daughter. I will report back x

Our Anniversary is fast approaching - Feb 15.  We would have been married 21 years and together 30.  I've been interested reading everyone's thoughts on how to mark the day appropriately, although I'm still unsure how to do something, as we didn't make a big thing of the day.

I will put out last year's cards from each other (hoarder? me?).  I marked his first birthday away from me with a meal in the house with our granddaughter.  He would have been 80. Although he took great delight every time a doctor or neighbour looked and sounded astonished that he was almost that age!  If I had a pound for each time someone said "you're never that age" !!

I am younger than him but they never say it to me lol.

It will be 8 months since he died, around our anniversary date, and I'll never stop missing him, but I find I can talk about him and our good times, our laughter, and not break down in floods, which has to be a kind of healing.

Hugs all round x