Young Adults who have lost a parent

I can recommend a very good book for all you young people out there. Its called When Parents Die by Rebecca Abrams. You can get it from the library but i highly recommend you buy it, as it is a book you will want to refer to again and again.

I've just joined up here so I hope I'm replying to this thread correctly. 

I'm so glad I found this thread. I'm 24 and lost my Mum just last week, her funeral is tomorrow.

At the moment I feel just completely numb, I think I'm still in shock and disbelief as it has all happened so fast. Mum was completely symptom free and apparently healthy until her shock diagnosis of secondary brain cancer on the 10th June this year, she was dead exactly two months later. 

I have absolutely no one in real life who can relate to this. My friends all have both parents alive and well, I have two half siblings (my mum's) but they are 16 years older than me - we weren't brought up as "siblings", they have their own families and lives and are more like distant aunts and uncles.

My dad and I have not got on for some time, he just tells me that "he had to go through it" but can't seem to see (without meaning to sound heartless on my part)  that his situation when he lost his mother (as a 50 year old man, with wife and family) was somewhat different than mine, as a 24 year old with no partner, family, or indeed even a life of my own really (I still live at home). 

I know everyone says this but truly, my mum was my best friend and my world and I can't even begin to imagine life without her. The thought of going back to work and everything carrying on as normal makes me feel sick, I just can't comprehend it. 

Perhaps it's all still too raw to be posting here but I just had to let it out somewhere and hopefully to hear from some people in similar situations. 

Hi Magic box.

I am so sorry for your loss, i totally understand how useless that statement is but sometimes i guess its better to see words than nothing at all.

I'm 22 and lost my dad on the 3rd August, his funeral was on thursday and it was beyond words. i wish there was words to say that would help you, i tried to just tell myself that i just had to get through an hour or so, and then the service was done and i have returned to my private grief. you can get through the day, i know it seems daunting and awful but you can do it, the service will be attended by people who loved and thought highly of your mother, there is some comfort in seeing how she positively touched the lives of those she knew.

My dad had lung cancer, and it was far far too late by the time they found it. He had been in great heath, had an active job and ate good food, no symptoms until this pain in his shoulder developed at the start of the year.Turns out it was a tumor and 4 months after diagnosis we lost him.

i hope it all goes as well as it can tomorrow, please feel free to message me if you want to vent more xxxx

Good Morning magic_box,

Firstly I would like to not say the usual "sorry" and "sorry for you loss" as I have first hand experience that in your current minset this means little and feels quite hollow. I would like to convey my feelings of care and concern given I went through the similar thing at 16, I am now 26.

My mother died of secondary brain cancer from an original pleural cavity lung tumour, my father and the rest of the family were like pure strangers to me and I'd never had any relationship with them. "Going through it" is very different for everyone, including your dad who has lost a wife.... the main thing that hurt the most was the funeral of my mum felt like I was burying a part of myself. 

The numbness will subside, I promise... you just have to find yourself again. It sounds ridiculous I know, and probably the most corny thing I could ever write but it is true. You may feel anger, betrayal, the want to push everyone away and have some horrendous dreams but I could go through a whole host of things that are infact your mind trying to comprehend and process what has just occured.

I hope you read this soon, and that the funeral was bearable and hasnt left you too distraught. My experience was that I couldn't stop staring at the name plate on the casket... I don't remember much of that day in truth.

Know that in joining this community my hope is to convey and give hope to others who have gone through similar that as survivors, you do get back to an existance.

Wishing you some peace of mind in the fact your not alone x

Thank you everyone.

The day of the funeral was fine, I didn't break down. I think because I had my mini meltdown the night before I had enough strength to get through the day. 

The last couple of days have been very hard though. Just sitting in a silent house isn't something I'm used to,  I've found being at the cemetery more calming and helpful, luckily it's only five minutes from my house. 

I think because of the speed everything has happened at (even the funeral as our minister was going on holiday!) none of it has actually sunk in properly yet. 

When mum was ill I didn't really have time to worry/.think about the future so this is the first time I've really had to for a couple of months. 

I'd definitely be interested in  a meet up, I'll have a look at that website - I never knew it existed! 

Hope everyone is coping well today. 

Ami x

Hello all, I'm 22 and I lost my lovely dad to lung cancer on the 12th November last year he also had secondaries in his bones and brain. Although I am young I am married and have a little boy. Everything happened so quickly, 5 weeks after formal diagnosis dad was gone, initially with a prognosis of 6-12 months which was reduced when they found the tumor in his brain after fits and the loss of feeling in his right hand. 4 days before my dad's final day it was my wedding day. He had fitted really badly the day before resulting in complete loss of feeling in the whole right hand side of his body and was in hospital where I visited him on the morning of my wedding. Unbeknown to me dad was not going to miss my wedding and he surprised me waiting for me at the top of the aisle and was there to give me away that day. He was just amazing, he accepted his illness in a way I will never be able to, and in a way I will never understand, he was so brave and made me so very proud. Then 4 days after it was as normal as it could be, none of us seen it coming not until his last few minutes. Luckily we were all there with him. So I went from planning a wedding to planning a funeral on my own (I'm his only child and he divorced my mum years ago and never found anyone else) within a couple of days, and I had no clue as to what I was doing with either! But because it all happened so quickly I don't feel like it has even sunk in yet, 9 months down the line. I still think he will call, or I'll pass him in the street or he will pull up outside my nans house on his motorbike. It hurts just as much as it did 9 months ago, dad brought me up and we were always the best of friends. Reading all of this gives me comfort in the fact that I am not alone. None of my friends have lost a parent or experienced cancer so close to home. I would love to get in touch with those of you that would like to talk about your own journeys. My email address is [edited by admin] I have had to stay strong for my little boy as he needs me more than I need to be sad but I feel part of me has died with dad. I don't have the strength about me I did have before. But I do find comfort in speaking to others that understand the position we are all in. Sending my love to you all xxxx