Does anyone ever feel, the pain and death they witnessed has changed them in a deep way.
How is joy real? To witness a life of hope and beauty culminating in months of pain, depression and leaving altogether. That seems to outweigh motivation to go forward. Because to go forward I need to feel like hope and exploration of life might actually be positive.
Like pain and suffering are the truth in life. Like hope isn't real, just something fake and light we like to think about because it's easier. It feels like anything lighter, to do with enjoyment, can't be trusted, because that's not what happens in our lives. What happens is we are destroyed.
Why would anyone create this stack of cards of filling a life, of trying? when it will all fall, dissolve Into nothing.
