Confused...

2 replies
7 subscribers
96 views

My dad died 2 and a half years ago. Sometimes I feel "okay" but other days I still feel like I'm struggling.

My dad spent the last 4-5 weeks in a care home after he'd fallen at home and it was decided after a week in hospital that he couldn't go home again.

I don't remember thinking much about him moving into the care home at the time or feeling particularly sad about it. However, the last few weeks I have felt more sad and upset about it.

Any idea why I am feeling worse about that now, after 2 and a half years than I was when it actually happened? Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else?

Thanks for any advice or information you can help me with.

Millibob 1 month ago

Hello Sparkles26

I am Brian, one of the Community Champions here on the online Community. I have just noticed your post has gone unanswered. By me replying it will be "bumped up" to the top of the page and I hope seen and replied to by other members of the group.

Having read your post a few times, I can only think at the time your dad was in the best place for him, after all a fall can be catastrophic if you live by yourself and have health issues. In a care home he is being watched at all times. More that 2 years later you may be wondering - could I have done something else to help dad? I would have thought the answer is no, and he spent his final weeks where he had constant cover just in case of any further falls.

I would say that in the circumstances, the care home was the correct place for dad - don't worry about him ending his days there.

Best wishes - Brian.

Community Champion badge

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.

I am a Macmillan volunteer.

Christine Pudding 1 month ago

Sparkles26,

It sounds as though your sadness is overshadowing the sparkly side of you right now. Losing a person who was a big part of our lives is incredibly hard. We manage it, but it is hard and unfortunately there is no smooth time-line so we can't predict when we will and won't feel a certain way or be managing in a certain way.

It sounds as though this post-2-year anniversary is particularly hard for you, In March 2 years ago, I lost my lovely partner of 27 years after a brief 7-week illness and this second anniversary is harder than the first two years so maybe for people like you and I, this is the most challenging time emotionally.

I help myself by doing things that my partner would have liked. He particularly liked my cooking so every couple of weeks I make something a bit new and different. I make it for both of us even though he is not hear to share the meal but I think of how much he would have loved it, how complimentary he would have been and I am happy that I brought nice food into his life.

Try to think of the nice things that happened between you and your dad and spend some time doing those things and enjoying that you had those moments together. You are fortunate to have been in each other's lives and I am sure you enriched his life as he would have enriched yours.

Bereavement is tough but I am sure your dad would love most to see you sparkle even if you are sad at times.

Christine

More from this forum

Confused...