Hi new to this and writing this because can't say it out loud without crying my eyes out my dad passed away 7 months ago he had lung cancer and every day I think of him and memories of me and him truth be told we clashed alot and could go for weeks without talking however the last year of his life it was mainly me caring for him and as tough as it was I look back on it with a mixture of emotions i feel so sad and every day i think is there more i could of done some of it silly little things but it really eats away at me I'm also very angry my sisters didn't really help much and at the time there was occasions when I sometimes would be so tired looking after dad and working my time with him i would be very irritable and snappy for this i feel terrible i know i tried my best and i know my dad knows that too i just Keep wishing i could have 5 more minutes with him to say things i will never get the chance to say i feel empty and very sad and at this moment can't see these feelings going away is there any advice anyone can give
Hi Jameslondon
my name is Chelle and I am an online community champ for the lung group. I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. 7 months is still early days, and your feelings will still be raw. When my mum passed away I threw myself back into work, and was busy with my children, so I didn’t give myself chance to think. It’s been 13 years now and I still miss her every day. I have her last text messages to me on my phone, and I often sit and read them.
Guilt is al part of the grieving process. Of course your dad knows you did all that you could for him. We are all but human, and I am sure your dad knows how tired you were, but still managed to work, and spend time with him. We cannot split ourselves in half. My guilt surrounds my mums passing. She went into the hospice the night before she passed, and I asked if I could stay with her. I was told by the nurse that I should go home and get some sleep, as there would be other opportunities to stay that week. She passed at 620 the next morning. I got the call and literally walked into her room as she passed away. I wish I had of stayed, and that guilt doesn’t leave me, but it has dulled a little. So I do understand you feeling guilty, but you really shouldn’t. We cannot undo time, we cannot get that extra time back with our loved ones, I wish we could.
Have you thought about counselling. https://www.cruse.org.uk/ have a support line for people who are struggling with bereavement.
Things will get better, it just takes time. I still talk to my mum, that helps me. I like to think that she hasn’t gone, she’s just gone into the next room, I just can’t see her.
