Trying to feel nothing

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Mum 55, passed away a week ago. I was her main carer and just me and her at her last breath.

During caring I let myself feel more, now I've completely shut off, I wont let myself feel or cry, I watch tv and binge eat Instead. I feel lost, all at sea.Maybe because my whole life for the past year has centered around caring for her, being with her and now nothing. Sure, I have more free time, but I have no purpose anymore. Several times I've thought the world and me are meaningless now.

I just feel lost, pointless, a waste of space, a waste of life because in comparison her life was so much more worthwhile.

SH28ceb069 1 month ago

Hi Gingercat I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. Especially with you being her carer and all your focus being on her, you don’t have your existing routines to fall back on so no surprise you’re feeling so lost.

It’s OK to feel the pain and give yourself space to process. Do you have anyone you can talk to about her? Why do you think her life was more worthwhile? I’d love to hear more about her if you want to share.

You’re not pointless or a waste. I don’t know you to know how to help you believe that. Just think about the amazing thing you did in helping your Mum at her hardest moments. How beautiful that you could bring comfort at such a time. Your focus now has to be on you. Give yourself the same love and support.

I have found counselling so helpful in working through my emotions. It doesn’t bring my Mum back but… it helps me be present and live rather than just survive.

Gingercat 1 month ago in reply to SH28ceb069

Thankyou SH28ceb069,

That is such a kind and thoughtful reply.

SH28ceb069 1 month ago in reply to Gingercat

You are very welcome, look after yourself and come back here to talk more if you want to

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