Struggling with guilt and regret

Hi arayray, sorry to hear about the death of your dad.its very early days for you and you will be feeling all sorts of emotions. Its just 8 weeks since my husband died from a rare cancer. 

I also have feelings of what if? In our case, if he had surgery first rather than 6 weeks radiotherapy, ( which didnt work) would the cancer not have spread? I will never know the answer to that. Similarly, if thed given longer on the chemo instead of stopping it after 3 saying it wasnt working, would it have given him longer. We will never know. We had to trust that the oncologists knew what they were doing and advised accordingly. 

I think, and Im not medically trained, just a grieving wife, that its quite normal to feel some guilt for things that may have been different. Its possible your dad wouldnt have been well enough for the chemo. In the many hours I sat with Tony during chemo, I saw people being sent home because their bloods had come back not good, and I could see the distress on their faces. Chemo is tough on the body. Its also possible that you had better quality of time with him because he wasnt having chemo. Its really impossible to say.

Is there anyone you can talk to? Did he have a cancer nurse or hospice care? Sometimes they can offer support in explaining things.

Right now, I imagine you have or had the funeral to think about, and that is hard enough. Are there siblings or other family?

Sending you a virtual hug, keep talking. X

Dear Malengwa

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your experience. I will reach out the hospice care team for support. I hope you have a supportive network to help you with your grief. Sending you a hug right back. All best wishes Xx