My dad aged 68 got diagnosed with AML March 2024 he went into remission before Christmas but then in March 2025 it was back with a mutation. In June we were told he had 4 weeks left to live. So I moved back home to Dorset from Cornwall with my husband so we could get dad home as that is where he wanted to be, and with my mum being disabled herself wouldn’t be able to cope with dad on her own. I was his palative carer, doing everything that he needed doing from cleaning him after accidents to helping him eat/drink when his hands wouldn’t let him. The morning of 24th July dad was being sick and was generally not well and in pain. We knew that, that night we had to sleep downstairs as it wouldn’t be long. We sat either side of the bed holding his hands when his breathing stopped at 5pm. That day is so imprinted in my head, that that’s the last image of my dad. Grief has really hit me and I don’t know how to cope. I was his angel, he called me that all the time and now I have lost the main man that brought me up to be who I am. I’m so lost with out him and no one gets how I’m feeling, I’m numb, I’m quite and I don’t know what to say or think. It’s strange being back in Cornwall as it feels like he’s still there in Dorset but when I call mum and see his chair empty it hits me all over again.
When I lost my dad back in 2013 the number of times afterwards when I would see something and think dad would love this. Took me a while before I could hear bagpipes without tearing up - dad was a proud scot.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve but I know as I moved forwards I could feel more about what my amazing dad achieved rather than how he was at the end and that helps me.
There are a couple of organisations that might help people after the death of a loved one - Cruse bereavement care an the loss foundation.
Some time ago I went to the funeral of a friend and the celebrant said "grief is the price we pay for love" and that really registered with me.
<<hugs>>
Steve
