I lost my sister 9 days ago, she died from prostate cancer at the age of 55.
I’ve tried to grieve but can’t at the moment, I just seem to be angry at everyone and very short of patience.
I'm crying from time to time but nothing that is giving any relief so my head turmoil currently.
I knew her for 50 years as a best friend and confidant occasionally, and now I don’t quite know how I should be with others around me. I have a wonderful wife and 4 children whom are very supportive but that doesn’t seem to be enough for me. I could really do with some top tips from others who have or are going through this please.
Hi JimB
I am really sorry to hear that you lost your sister through cancer.
Losing someone so close to you is bound to mean that your emotions are all over the place. And 50 years is a long time. In my own experience, grieving takes time and has many difference stages and all you can do really is accept that you may feel different things at different times and to sort of go with the flow.
Feeling angry is very normal and justified- you have just lost someone so close to you and it is understandable that you are not feeling very patient. I know for me that it was probably those around me that bore the brunt of my feelings at time. Being tearful is another natural reaction and not a sign of weakness. It is an expression of extreme sadness and those feelings are better out than in.
It is great that you do have family support around you but although they can help you deal in some ways with the grief- they can not take it away. They can merely stand beside you and support you- the feelings of anger, sadness and longing need to be worked through.
It is still very early days for you and my initial reaction was to feel numb. What helped me was to try to keep some sort of routine up. For me it was to do the school run, feed the pets, go to work (after the funeral)- even things like going to bed and getting up at the normal times and having normal meal times. Often to begin with I didn't feel like eating much but bit by bit the routine helped. Sorting out practical arrangements, although tough did help.
Talking helped me and sometimes it can help to talk things through with someone who is a bit more removed from the situation. I know at times I did not want to talk to those closest as I feared they may be upset. I can recommend the Macmillan Support Line that is there from 8am-8pm daily.
I found Home - Cruse Bereavement Support helpful and it helped to understand the normal grieving process and to know what to expect. The link will take you to some excellent resources.
There is also some helpful information in this link.
Coping with bereavement and cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support
I hope this helps a little during this sad time. If there is anything else you need, please do ask.
Jane
