I’m struggling over the loss of my mum.
In October, November 2024 my mum was active, walking daily, doing Zumba classes and dancing the night away at my brothers wedding in late October.
mum first developed symptoms in December 24, then was diagnosed with bowel cancer with extensive spread and emergency surgery in Feb 2025. She’d had a normal colonoscopy in Feb 24, which was only done due to slight anaemia, noticed when she gave blood and blood in her stools, but said to be polyps and diverticulitis.
Mum had a stoma following her surgery, which she managed well. But she declined rapidly, developing breathing difficulties due to lung tumours, fibrosis and fluid, so went from dancing and active to unable to walk a few steps within a few months.
Mum was recommended palliative chemo but declined this due to the side effects. She was referred for palliative care, which I had hoped would co-ordinate her care and help give her symptom relief, as well as identify when she might need increased care / hospice. However a few days before she died mum was called by palliative care team but she declined their input as she told them she ‘was fine’.
The day before mum passed away the Gp called her and prescribed the anticipatory medications. No discussion was made with her family regarding this, or the plans. Mum said she had a ‘conversation she didn’t like regarding timescales’. I was registered as able to speak on my mums behalf with the GP and we had asked ( with my mums permission) for myself and my brother to be contacted when any discussions regarding her care were made. I am upset that the GP knew mum had declined palliative care but had still discussed the end of life with mum, on the phone, without family.
mum passed away on Saturday morning. She didn’t fully wake after sleeping. I was with her as her heart stopped and she went at home, knowing how loved she was. Mums passing was how she wanted it, but I am struggling with how quick it all was from diagnosis to the end as well as having no support at the end. We thought she still had some time and the oncologists did not suggest it was so imminent.
Mum never liked to ‘be a bother’ and I’m guessing there was a lot she kept quiet. But going from a diagnosis of a probable tummy bug in January to end of life discussions in April has been a massive shock x
