Hi,
Please ignore my formatting as I’m on my phone; apologies if it doesn’t look right.
I am still very much in a state of shock. My dad died in mid-April, and his funeral was just this week. We found out at the start of March that he had metastatic liver cancer which had spread to his lungs, and he lived for a further six weeks at home with support from my mum, family, carers, and district nurses.
The day before my dad’s passing, he was in a coma but would still flutter his eyes when you spoke to him. I was with my dad when he passed, and it was one of the most heart-breaking and painful things I’ve ever experienced. His body was so still, but his heart was pounding; you could physically see the movement. He also had the death rattle, and I was holding his hand when he passed.
I'm in my mid-thirties, but I do feel somewhat traumatised. I'm waiting for counselling and am in touch with my GP, and I’m already established on antidepressants. I’m not sleeping well and am experiencing nightmares.
I guess I just need to get this off my chest, I don’t know if I have posted in the correct area, so I apologise if it is wrong.
Hello Loveyoudad
I am really sorry to hear that your Dad has died and understand that it was a heart breaking thing to go through. To have his diagnosis and then to pass away so soon it is not surprising that you are feeling as you do.
I hope that it has helped to write out your experience and it is fine to post here as much as you need to. You are amongst others who have had similar experiences and will want to offer you support.
I can understand that you are finding it all traumatic and am pleased that you are having support from your GP. We do have the Support Line at Macmillan that you can also call if you feel you need to talk to someone.
In my own experiences, the not sleeping and the nightmares are normal and in time will pass. At the moment everything must feel very raw. I found that the time just after the funeral was tough.
I found Cruse helpful and will pop a link below.
Home - Cruse Bereavement Support
In our family we all went through grief differently and at different times. There is no right or wrong way to feel. It can also be common to feel very up and down at times. Trying to stick to some routines can help a bit and also keep talking, if that is what you feel you need to do. I found it helpful to go with the flow with any feelings.
Take care and we are here if you need us.
Jane
