Newbie here…how to take the first steps to get counselling, advice please…long story short

Hi Losingmum, I am so sorry for your loss, my sincerest condolences to you and all your mums loved ones. I too lost my mum to cancer, 4 months after diagnosis and gave up everything to care for her,  as she was also my best friend, I also lost my job and lifelong partner, fortunately my kids were all grown up, enough about me 

The person you have let down by keeping your feelings to yourself, is you, it's so important not to bottle them up as it helps nobody, if you don't want to show them to your family that's ok, but find a place to let them out, and though I understand your drinking episode, I'm glad its going to stop especially as being on antidepressants will make things worse.

How could anyone think your selfish, your whole life revolves around helping and supporting others, which is commendable, but you must remember you need to look after yourself as well 

You need to find a hour or preferably two, every day for yourself, do whatever it is you enjoy, if there's a little exercise in there, so much the better, and talking to others is so important to, from what you've said, I can relate to almost everything your going through, but it's helpful to talk to a professional, if you have a Maggies near you www.maggies.org they have cancer support specialists you can talk to, 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, just drop in, there very friendly and understanding, the Macmillan helpline 0808 808 00 00 is always worth calling too.

Losingmum, unless you care and  think of yourself,  I know from experience, the care you give to others will diminish, which helps no one, so please be kind to yourself, accept your emotional needs and that it's going to  take a little time. I like what you said about your  mum, would be disappointed in you for having a few drinks, I am also sure she's very proud of you, your selflessness and your honesty and openness in looking for help, which is half the battle won, we're not unfeeling robots my friend, nor superhuman. 

love Eddie xx 

Hi Eddie, thank you. I am so sorry for your loss.  I have recognised the need for help now especially as when I visited mum’s grave, I wanted to lay down with her. This was the turning point and realisation that I need help so thankfully, I have made the first leap and contacted Cruse Bereavement yesterday after seeing my doctor and telling her how I have been feeling. 
I am hoping that with help and counselling that I will be able to see that there is a future that’s not dark and make my mum proud. Even my husband has recognised that I went back to work too soon. 

Small steps, one day at a time xx 

Hi Losingmum, and thank you, I'm so happy to hear this, as I  said earlier reaching out for support is half the battle, and please remember we all deal with grief in our own way and it's boog to hear hubby's on board now as well. the thing that helped me most after losing mum was a simple question, what would mum want me to do and how to make her proud. best wishes

love Eddie xx

Hi. I'm so v sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum suddenly to cancer in Jan & like u, find the grief & life without her so hard.  I haven't yet sought help, they've said b4 to people i kmow wait 3 months after death given rawness, but long term mayb it might help. I wish u all the best with the support that comes your way. Death may show us how much we love someone, but my goodness the pain is unbearable. I don't know your pain, but know the pain of losing a mum in this way, hugs to you.