Hello,
My dad passed away on the 18th November last year. He'd gone into hospital with a diabetes related illness, but there was clearly something else wrong. He had been in pain with his shoulder for months and when he was in hospital he was confused and so forgetful, his mobility was also much mu h worse. Eventually he stopped eating. We were constantly told that there was nothing wrong - we were told that they had run scans and that his shoulder pain was frozen shoulder. A senior nurse also told me his symptoms were behavioural, telling me there was nothing wrong. He spent 9 weeks in hospital. On week 7 they'd found a tumor on his lung, by week 8 they'd found more and then he passed a week later. I really don't understand why we were told there was nothing wrong for weeks and why the problem was found so late.
Apologies for going into so much detail, 2 months later, I am still finding it hard to get my head around this. I'm so unhappy without dad, I'm so lost without him - I feel so much pain and also guilt. I'd moved out in 2023 and feel so horrible that I wasn't with him as much in his final year. I also feel horrible that I forgot to reply to the text which was the last text he ever sent me. I don't know if he heard me when I said goodbye before he passed. I wish I could tell him how much I love him. I wish I could bring him back. I feel so let down by the hospital as well, and even though dad and I were close, there is a part of me that keeps thinking I could've done more.
I'm also worried about my family - my mum is 73 and lives with my older brother. Her car has been taken away as it was provided through motability (due to my dad's issues with diabetes). I just worry so much about that situation.
I wish someone could help.
I'm sorry that this isn't a discussion as such, I just don't have another outlet. I went back to work a week after he passed but even now no one asks me how I am. My friends are back to normal as well - I know no one has to reach out, I just find it very hard to do that, and wish sometimes that someone would. I hope it's ok to post this, thank you.
Hi Nae94
Welcome to our community I hope you find it supportive and helpful.
I am Steve one of the community champions here, I lost my dad back in 2013 after a long illness and in someways similar to your dad he had something of a mix of issues going on.
My experience with my wife however comes a bit more relevant to your dad. She was at one point put through it seemed just about every department in the hospital and sometimes it seemed nobody talked to each other - it is really hard and even though everyone is trying their best new things get flagged up from time and time and it can all be really confusing.
When it comes to grief there is no right answer and perhaps the best advice is to remember to be nice to yourself at this time. If you decide it might help to talk to someone it may be worth talking to Cruse who have great expertise in this area.
<<hugs>>
Steve
