Hi there. I lost great auntie to leukaemia this morning…. I’m really struggling with it. It’s the first time I’ve ever lost anyone to cancer before so it’s very difficult. I’m visually impaired and on the autism spectrum so lots of emotions involved. The last time I lost someone was in 2016. I’ve been feeling really strange all day.
she passed sway around 2:30am at the royal Marsdwn in London with my nanny and my great auntie’s son by her side.
it’s making me want to eat more too. I’m not used to these feelings and can’t pinpoint what to call it
Hi Summer J
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your great auntie.
You can take great comfort knowing that she passed with loved ones around her which would have made her passing more peaceful.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal especially when it so recent. Everyone's emotions go all over during the grieving period and this can include over eating. It is your body craving comfort. We all grieve in our own way and at our own speed so don't worry if others seem better or worse. Look after number one the way your great auntie would want you to. Never bottle up your feelings regardless of where you are. If in a supermarket then go to the toilet for a cry, ask staff to mind your shopping while you get some fresh air. Your own mind will find ways to cope with your emotions. Overtime you will learn these strategies and you will find things easier. The pain of grief never goes but the coping becomes easier.
Talk to your auntie when and where ever you are - she will always be there helping to guide, comfort and support you. Talk to her about her favourite things and open yourself up to look for special signs that your auntie is there listening. You may smell her favourite perfume, radio / tv may change channel, you may find something that was lost long ago. Visit her favourite places such as the local park and talk to her there. You may feel a breath of wind on a totally still day or a bird may come extremely close - both signs that your auntie is near an dlistening.
A good way to express your feelings is through writing. You can put down anything you like and even destroy it when finished - the actual process of writing and thinking will help to ease your feelings. You could also write your memories from childhood, stories your auntie told you about her childhood, stories from relatives and some of your aunties friends. Include lots of photos and both happy and sad stories to get a true picture. This can be kept for future generations to use.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
Not sue what the feeling is exactly but when suffering grief (similar to any anxiety) many different symptoms can occur. It is your own mind and body finding a way to deal with the grief. Overtime the pain will still be there but you will find ways to spot the signs and develop coping strategies. Write down what you are feeling in detail and continue with how this feeling eases. Next time you can look back on your writing and use the same coping strategy. Remember you are in the very early stages of grief and your brain probably hasn't fully registered everything. Talk to your auntie and ask her to comfort then sit back, close your eyes, blank your mind and await a response.
Look at the two links above - coping and symptoms - both in green text which give more detail on all the emotions you may have. If these all get mixed then the result could be what you have.
Hope this helps and sending you another hug.
David
