Mum’s Death Wasn’t Peaceful

My Dad died last April, 6 weeks after a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. We were with him when he died and it wasn't what I'd call peaceful at all. We sat and listened to his body break down for his last few hours, he had his eyes open but he didn't seem to be seeing anything, his breathing made an awful sound and his limbs started to contract. The only saving grace for me was the hospital staff had ensured his syringe driver was keeping him dosed up, so for the first time in 4 months he wasn't in any pain.

I'm sorry to hear about your losses. 

Thanks for you're message, so sorry about your dad. I didn't like my mum going in a hospice in the end they left her without food and drink forb2 weeks, I thought it was cruel x

Thank you

Hi Emma,  you are welcome, am I ok to ask how you are doing.

Eddie xx

Hi Emma, how are you doing now? I came on here looking to see if anyone else experienced what I did yesterday when I lost my lovely mum and saw your post.  It was so frightening near the end.    20 July she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, 2 days before her birthday, and passed yesterday.  She couldn’t swallow so couldn’t eat or drink and hadn’t been able to for the week prior to that as well.  She’d been to the doctors but they didn’t listen.  I will be writing to pals.  She got so angry yesterday, trying to get out of bed, looked at me as if she hated me, told me to f off which I had never heard her say my entire 52 years of life.  Shouted she’s dying over and over.  I rang the district nurses who came out really quick and added anxiety meds to her syringe driver.  That worked and she was calm for the next hour or so until she passed, dad had his eyes shut too and they just held hands.  I’m trying to not remember the horror bit or the lingering awfulness they have to go through. It’s so cruel.

Hi Elaine so sorry to here about you're mum, I went through a similar scenario with my mum at Christmas. It's something I'll never forget.

My mum stopped eating and drinking too, she looked at me in hate as well.

I hope you're okay 

Hi Elaine, I am so very sorry to hear about your Mum and how distressing it must have been. I lost my Mum 15 months ago now to lung cancer, and similarly, my Mum was very agitated and angry her last night. It was if she was a completely different person, angry with my husband who she loved, asking what he was doing in the room, and snapped at me whenever I tried to let her know how much I loved her. She also said quite a few times that she was dying. It was very distressing and so completely out of character. She was on morphine, I don't know if that caused her state of mind or some other physiological process which was affecting her which can happen with other illnesses. It's very, very tough but I know it wasn't my Mum but the horrific effects of the cancer and treatment. I really feel for you as it is so distressing and also so unexpected (nobody warned me). But over the months gradually the wonderful memories of Mum have taken over the pain of that last night. Sending you virtual hugs.

Your words were so reassuring to me, thank you for taking the time to write that.  It does help me to try and push those images away but how horrendous that we and our loved ones have to even experience that.  I hope you are doing ok. 

I still can't get how bad it was, and it's been 6 months. Too loose our mums in that tragic way haunts me.

When mum couldn't swallow or drink it made me helpless, that I couldn't do anything to get my old mum back.

Then mum went into a sleep deep breathing stage, I can't get out my head.

Cruel way our mums were taken. 

Soon as my mum went into a hospice I lost her.

How are you ️, nice to talk to someone who has been through similar situation.

Xxx

I wouldn't wish it on anyone

I'm so sorry it's also feeling so helpless that's so hard isn't it, you want to do everything to help but you can't. 

I'm doing ok thanks, but I wish Mum didn't have to pass away the way she did. And nothing could have fully prepared me for that. And it's something that's hard to talk about to people, so it's very comforting to be able to talk here. I am finding it easier to remember the 'true' Mum though and I think it'll get easier too. 

Take care, xx Felicity