I miss my Dad so much. He passed end of September.

Hello JFK 

It is a difficult time. I lost my mum and dad over 10 years ago but I still think about them and indeed go back to "my happy places" in my mind when I think about them. A few weeks ago I was 200 miles away from home and realised I was 3 miles away from a beach we went to every year on holiday - I had to go - and boy did it bring back happy memories - but in time you find you come to enjoy memories like that.

Grief is such a personal thing and we all have our own way to cope - some do it well - some need help - there's no shame in asking for help. 

I found my cancer journey hard at first - I asked for help and reached out to this Community and they got me through those dark days - now I am able to put back in what I have had out.

I wish you well with your future, yes you will have hills to climb but you are never alone - there's always someone here to be with you.

Best wishes - Brian.

Been going through my Dad's clothes whilst I'm here at mum and dads's house, mum asked me to do it, she obviously doesn't really want or need these constant reminders around which just magnify the grief.  I get that and understand it.

Just put my dad's shirts, trousers and other bits and bobs in bags, one of the neighbours is going to help out, take them to a charity shop/clothes bank. 

Found one of my dad's coats that he wore, the last time he was up and mobile before being in hospital and remember him wearing it when we all last visited.  Was quite upsetting. Had a cry :( 

I am over 10 years since my parents passed away - my wife and 4 adult children helped me with that job - it's sad - a full lifetime of effects which they had collected along the way.

Each child has kept something to remember them by and I have a box of "bits" in the loft I have kept. Everything else was donated to somewhere it was needed.

It's sad - but as my children pointed out to me "part of life".

Things will get better for you - trust me - and you will feel better once you have done what you need to do and returned home.

Best wishes - Brian.

There's not all that many things tbh, I do value stuff like photo's and mementos.  There's an absolute ton of photo's here and I'll cherish those.  Lots of my dad from when he was younger and in the forces - he never really talked about it much, he actually had a form of PTSD and I think it brought up memories he'd rather not venture to too much, one of his best friend squaddy mates was killed next to him and that must have been horrible beyond imagination.

I've got his service medal which I will cherish too.

Hello all, 

Im new to this community, I lost my Dad 3 weeks ago to Myloma cancer. We had his funeral yesterday and I feel consumed with grief. 
Bizarrely today I feel worse, I struggled to get out of bed and can’t understand how life continues around you. 
we all miss him enormously-he was the rock on our family.

now we have had the funeral it all feels so final-he’s really gone  

Hi Star8

If it's any comfort that's precisely how I felt after my Dad's funeral which was a month ago.  I too felt completely and utterly exhausted the next day.  It's 'normal'.  There's so much you've been holding to before, doing all the arrangements, actually being present .... and then it's only afterwards it all sinks in doesn't it?

All I can say is just take one at a time, trite as it sounds.  Just be you.  Post on here, journal.  Go for a walk every day.  If you don't feel like getting up before midday and not getting dressed do it.  Only you feel how you do, look after yourself and make sure you eat ok, watch the alcohol.  Your sleeping will be crap, mine still is.  I woke up at 1am and 4am today and I'm totally exhausted all the time.

Wishing you and your family well xxx

Thank you so much for your reply-it’s so insightful and I take comfort in knowing how I’m feeling is normal. 

Take care xx

Back home after staying with my mum last week whilst she had her 2nd cataract operation,  I still feel total physical and mental exhaustion. 

Had a very livid and upsetting dream.  Was with my dad,  doing some activity,  was painting (could tell it was a dream as dad didn't paint  ) , my Dad was aged the same as the picture on the funeral stationery,  taken at my university graduation,  late 50s,  fit,  well and mobile. 

Very upsetting as it reminded me so much of what has been lost. 

1. Got GP telephone appointment coming up and a wonderful work long term absence review meeting.... what to say?  My head is cabbage? 

Hi JFK. I lost my Dad in August and I don’t yet have an answer to your question. I have learnt that western culture (which is what I am surrounded by) doesn’t do a good job at accepting death and grief as part of life. Nobody talks about it, making it a taboo or macabre topic. The words “death”, “loss” and “grief” are shrouded in a dark veil. I wasn't prepared for the feelings that would arise during and after his death, and I still feel like I’m fumbling around in an unfamiliar dark room trying to find the light switch. I’ve sheltered myself from the inevitable because I’ve been told that “life is for the living”. We treat death as something tragic that happens during life, but I’m now realising that life and death are interwoven in a way too complex to untangle. Perhaps read into how other cultures respond to grief and death? I’ve found that to be really helpful. I’m still in that dark room, but my eyes are adjusting.

Thank you Cameron, very interesting and insightful post