I miss my Dad so much. He passed end of September.

I too am having to support my dad - my surviving parent, who also has his own health issues, but now does not have my mum there for support. All the while trying to support my own family, work, and process all of this myself.

I find the daytimes are OK as I am busy, but it creeps up on me at night time and also time with dad, in the family home, with such a big part of our family now gone, is incredibly difficult emotionally.

I think time will help, but I'm very much on autopilot right now, trying to keep the plates spinning.

Hi Mav,

sorry to hear things are so tough. It all sounds very familiar. My Dad passed away a month ago now and Mum really isn’t doing well, she is still in the family home surrounded with all Dads things-I really struggle going there now as I find it really difficult and come away feeling so low. Like you when I’m at home I’m busy with work/family and the evenings it hits like a sledgehammer.

so many people have said it’s not about ‘getting over it’ purely getting through it, and navigating your grief as best you can. 
Give yourself time, and be kind to yourself. Sometimes I feel I’m so worried about my Mum I haven’t even began to deal with my own grief. 

take care 

This is the first time I've clicked on this forum. I'm normally in the carers or bowel cancer forums. The title of this thread made me click on this thread. My dad has terminal colon cancer, I'm very lucky he's still here but unfortunately I know that one day he will leave us. I hope you don't mind I'm chipping into this thread. I just want to say my deepest condolences to those who have lossed a loved one, thank you for sharing your experiences.

Grief is a bit of a difficult subject. We all handle it differently and people don't really talk about it. At work, a colleague lost both of her parents within 6 years, she's coping fine. My line manager lost his dad before covid, I can tell it had a profound effect on him. I don't know how I would cope. I've been listening to a podcast called "the dead parents club", it's about dealing with grief and I've been listening to a grief expert called David Kessler on YouTube. I've also brought a book called "the grieving brain". I'm in a fortunate situation where my dad is still here but I'm already mentally preparing myself.

I know you're probably tired of hearing this but take one step at a time and hopefully you'll be ok. I remember David Kessler said in a talk, something along the lines of "we all end up in the river of grief. We're either suddenly thrown in there or slowly walking into it. Some people stay afloat, some people feel like they are sinking. Just stay flowing in that river, one day you won't resist and will flow where the river takes you"

Take care of yourself. 

Hello fallingleaves88 

Thank you for your post - there are a few helpful pointers there and your post is most appreciated.

Just a reminder to everyone the MacMillan helpline is available 8am to 8pm 7 days a week - it's there whatever you need - even if it's just a chat to a friendly voice, to get something off your chest or to seek help and advice.

Telephone  0808 808 00 00.

Best wishes - Brian

Thank you for your post,  I'll look up the YouTube channel. 

The river analogy is very apt.  I feel like I'm treading water atm. Just about keeping my head above water but sometimes bobbing under the surface. 

This week has been one of those.  Last week had a long term absence review meeting... how are you?  I'm in the maelstrom of grief... how on earth can you express that. 

Had work occupational health meeting and basically relived the whole last 12 months in that going over what has and is happening.  Left me completely emotionally wiped out the whole day. 

I've been having dreams of my dad being alive. He's as he was before the weight loss and hair going white and cognitive decline.  He's as I remember him.  It's really upsetting,  I miss him loads.  It's like a big hole inside of me is there. 

I had a horrible dream the other week of having cancer.  That really shook me up 

Looking into getting some talking therapy going.  Just someone to talk to,  vent a little. 

Thanks Star, I'm exactly the same as you. The last couple of weeks my Dad has really struggled. He has his own health worries which we're in the process of going through - all too familiar to the point where it's really traumatic to visit the same places we were only recently at with my mum, with it all to come. I think the year we've had with mum and everything we went through, to my dad's own health worries, on top of the bereavement itself, plus lonliness and sudden isolation and independence has all mounted up on my dad and has basically made him hit rock bottom.

I'm still working, using my holiday to take him to the GP, hospital, scans and tests. He got to the point where he couldn't get a handle on his own medication and was so confused. It's all been too much.

This in turn is incredibly hard for me to see, and deal with, and is a constant source of worry.

Oh how I wish my mum was here.