My special Mum and Dad sadly passed away within 3 months of eachother. My Dad in June and my Mum in September after long suffering pain. I don't know what I will do without them. I have a lot of support after such a traumatic experience but no one I know has been through this or will understand. I do not wish this on anybody but I am desperately seeking someone who has been through something similar. I know there are no quick fixes or that I will ever get over it but I just need to speak to someone who has felt this pain and know I am not alone.
Hi Koggs
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of both your parents.
They will be together again and will always be there for you. They will still be around to guide and support as best they can. You are certainly not alone in this and the pain may seem unbearable. Talk to your parents where and when ever you want and ask them to comfort you - they will be listening and will try to send you a sign that they are there for you. You need to open yourself for any sign they send - a smell of a favourite perfume, radio / tv retuning, seeing wild birds come very close, finding an unexpected white feather, feeling a breath of wind on a perfectly still day. They may only be small signs, and there are others, but if you open yourself to feel these then you will feel a sense of comfort from your parents.
The pain never goes away but overtime your brain will teach ways of coping with any triggers that make you feel worse. A great way to help is to write down what the trigger was, how you coped - including time to feel better - and keep these notes nearby so that you can refer to them in the future and use the same coping strategies.
You can also express all your thoughts and memories into a memory book about your parents. This can include stories from your childhood, stories about their childhoods, stories from other relatives / family friends and lots of photos. You can do this alone or with others and you can keep your writing or not depending on how you feel in the future. You must include happy stories and sad ones to give a true balance. Visit your parents favourite places, sit there and quietly talk to them and open yourself to a response. Record all this in your writing.
Have a look at some of these articles which may be upsetting but also may help to give you an insight into how others have coped - their coping strategies and techniques. Save the link or individual pages to your favourites so that you can go back to them whenever you need to.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
