4 months on

Hi Hopefulllove,

It’s Megan here from Macmillan’s Online Community team. I saw your post and wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your mum’s passing. This must still be a sensitive time for you especially with today being mother’s day.

If you’d find it helpful to talk, there are teams on the Macmillan Support Line that can lend a listening ear. They’re also there to provide emotional support, practical information, and financial guidance. To get in touch, you can call 0808 808 00 00, use live webchat or email during the hours of 8am-8pm every day.

I’m sure others who have also lost a loved one will reply soon as talking to those who can understand how you are feeling can help you feel less alone. You don’t need to apologise for sharing how you feel, it’s what the Community is for and I hope you’ll post in the group again if you need a place to talk openly about how you are coping.

If you think accessing some specialist bereavement support would be helpful, there is lots of useful information in Macmillan’s ‘coping with bereavement’ booklet. We also share support information in our Community news blog.

I hope the above information is helpful to you and will help you access the support you are looking for just now. If there is we can do to help you use the site or find additional support, please don’t hesitate to email Community@macmillan.org.uk.

Hi hopefullove 

• Just want to say im so sorry to hear your lovely mum has passed. My father also passed from gall bladder cancer. He was 62 and he passed 9 months from diagnosis. He nearly died at the verry start of it from sepsis. Had to have stents put in and all sorts of tests, scans bloods, emergancy fluid drainage and even chemo which unfortunately didnt work. It was 9 months of hell if I'm honnest. He was constantly sick and lost soooo much weight. I Had to hold back the tears every single time I saw him. Because at the end he didn't look like my father. I remember like you I was envious of people who still had a father.  Even my friends. I would look at my cousins and feel jealous that they still had their dad. This was 5 years ago now and the feelings have passed. I can finally vision my father when he wasn't sick. When he was happy and healthy. Be kind to yourself. There is no timeline where your grieving should end. and remember your beautiful mum before the cancer. I believe the spirit lives on. I look for little signs from my father and that brings me great comfort. It's ok to be angry and upset. It's all part of the process. It will never go away but I promise you it does get easier. Its still so raw for you atm. But one day you will think of your mum and not cry you will smile and remember all the lovely things about her. Cancer takes away everything.....but it can't take away love! Take care and if you ever need a chat I'm happy to listen xxx

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I'm a few months on from where you are, and it does get easier.  I remember the 4 month stage and all the emotions that you're feeling.  But a few months later and life is much easier.  It's really wierd how it does change, and yet at the moment you probably feel like you could never feel happiness again.  It is a really tough time and awful to go through, but Sarah is right and there are lots of us who have been through what you're going through - just know we're all here and that you can post and ramble as much as you like.  We get it.  All the best.