I lost my lovely Dad last month and I can’t even begin to try and find the right words to how I’m feeling and struggling with it. It was 8 weeks to the day of his diagnosis and 4 weeks of that were spent hospital with a week in intensive care, I just feel robbed. We got him back for 4 weeks after being in hospital but it was no quality of life, we had such high hopes to be able to have some nice days out but he was never well enough which was so hard to see. I spent every day with him, helping and looking after him and was there when he died also and now I really struggle to be able to think of anything else other than those final weeks and days, it was so traumatic I knew it would be tough but nothing can prepare you for it in the end. I miss him so much I am really struggling to see how this will ever feel less painful, the minute I feel a bit better I end up torturing myself with the what ifs? and the guilt sets in, why didn’t I notice earlier? Why did he not feel he could tell me there might be something wrong?
Since he died, I’ve had 4 panic attacks. I wondered if anyone has ever experienced this after losing someone close? It really frightens me, I’ve never had anything like this happen to me before but they are all related and triggered by me thinking that’s something is wrong with me or someone else I’m close to. I’ve got 2 young children and I’m petrified of this happening to me and them having to go through it and I just can’t get past thinking about all these awful scenarios. I also have a Grandma suffering with dementia who has lost her son, she’s struggling and watching her get worse after losing my Dad is so hard, the thought of having to lose another family member sets me off into a panic. I don’t know what I’m expecting really, reassurance that I’m not the only one that has experienced this? I’d really like some advice, I don’t want to go to a doctor and I’ve read some things online but it would be helpful to know if anyone has come through a similar situation.
Thank you for reading.
