I lost my beautiful, most amazing mum on Friday. She was only told a week before that it was terminal. I sat with her for 4 days and nights in the hospital, until she took her last breath with me stroking her hair and telling her not to be scared, that she could go and be pain free. It was the worst but also incredibly special moment of my life, and I know it will stay with me forever. My biggest fear now is letting her down, and not being able to give her a funeral. PLEASE if anybody has advice on where I can get help with funeral payments I would be very grateful. After all the research I've done it seems I can only get help if I claim benefits, which I don't, but I'm only in a minimum wage job. The system, and the world actually seems a very cruel cruel place sometimes.
Hi Rainbow
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the recent loss of your mum. You can take great comfort from being with your mum during those last four days and when she took her last breath. This would also have given her great comfort and made her passing more emotionally peaceful.
Regarding your main problem you could have a look at this Macmillan grants page and maybe contact them to find out what help you may be able to get. You can also look at this page then select from the options, read as much as possible then pick the right one. You may want to view these first before contacting the Macmillan grants team. Remember that most of these companies will be understanding and sympathetic towards you. You just have to know what the final cost will be including any finance charges and what to do in the event of not being able to make a payment. You could also try your local Citizens Advice to see if they know of any local scheme to you that may be of help. There is also some good advice here about keeping costs down.
Your mum will always be around you and will always try her best to support, guide and comfort you. Talk to her whenever and wherever you want, even little things such as mentioning the weather. Ask her to guide you through the process of organising the funeral - she will find a way of sending you a sign to let you know she is there. The sign could be an unexpected white flower, radio / tv retuning, smelling her perfume or finding a long lost item. Ask your mum to show you signs of what she would like for her funeral such as flowers - you may smell roses or irises in the room. You will know in your own heart and mind what is right.
We all grieve in our own way and speed so there are no rights or wrongs. Never bottle your emotions up, if you are somewhere public you can pop to the nearest toilet and have a cry there. A great way to express your emotions is writing. Start a memory book about your mum including stories from your childhood, stories she told you about her childhood, stories from other relatives and some of your mums friends and lots of photos. You can do this alone and even scrap everything soon after. You can do it with family or friends and keep it long term - it can be useful in future years not only for memories but if you feel down you can see what coping strategy you used previously and then re use it.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
