Mum

Hi Courtney

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.

Grieving does get easier over time - we all develop our own coping strategies to deal with anything that may trigger emotions.  The pain is still there but these strategies will make you deal with it easier as you learn from experience.  Having your first child is something totally new that you haven't got a coping strategy for and this is why it is so painful.  Remember that your mum is always around and will always try to comfort, guide and support you as best she can.  Talk to her often asking her to show you a sign that she is near and understands how you are feeling.  You have to open yourself to accept these signs which could be anything - finding a white feather unexpectedly, radio / tv retuning, smelling your mums perfume.  Young children are often more aware of the presence of a lost loved one.  Sometimes they will stare at what appears nothing or turn their head as if they heard something.  Your mum will find a way of letting your daughter she is nearby and watching over her.  Ask your mum for advice and she will try to show you a sign that will point you in the right direction helping you to be a mum to the best of your ability.  It was probably your mums influence that directed you this website.

Writing is a great way of expressing your emotions.  You can do this alone and then destroy your writing straight afterwards - the exercise will still have helped your express emotions you may not be able to say face to face.  You could keep your writing for the future so you can look back to remember how you coped with a certain situation and it will be a great keepsake for your daughter.  You can work with family and some of your mums friends collecting stories about your childhood, her childhood and include lots of photos.  Again your mum will help you with this maybe getting you to remember places, events or people you may have forgotten.  Talk to your mum while you are doing this and ask her to help with it  and let you know she is happy for you to include everything you can.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.