I sadly lost my grandad to cancer in November. He wasn’t just my grandad, I always looked to him as my dad and he treated me like a daughter. I am really struggling with the loss to the point I don’t even feel like myself anymore. I find it hard to talk over the phone because I just don’t know what to say. I try and speak to family and friends but also find that difficult because I feel like I need to be there to support them rather than put on them with how I’m feeling. I just feel like this pain will never leave me.
Hi Beesandbluebells
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the recent loss of your granddad.
Talking is extremely hard for everyone - those that are bereaved and those offering support. You can still talk to your granddad as much as you want regardless of where you are. Ask him to guide and support you and he will try his best to send you a sign that he is there. You have to open yourself to accept these signs such as finding an unexpected white feather, radio / v retuning to his favourite, smelling something that reminds you of him without any cause for the smell. Visit one of his favourite places on your own and talk to him there and ask him to comfort you then just sit quietly awaiting a sense of peace and calm.
Writing is a great way of expressing all your emotions whether they are happy or sad. You can do this alone, no one needs to see what you have written and you can always destroy it soon afterwards. Alternatively, you could gradually ask family members and any of your granddads friends to help with stories about your own childhood, stories he told of his childhood and lots of photos. Not only will writing help you express yourself, if you work with family members you can share each others stories and memories and let any emotions just flow. Overtime, with the aid of writing, your brain will teach coping strategies so that you will cope better. The pain will always be there and can still hit hard many years later but your coping strategies will help you deal with it easier. Also, in years to come, looking back on your writings on what you felt and how you coped with it will help reinforce your coping methods.
It is often easier to talk to someone who is not a family member or friend so, if you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
