I never realised that things would be so hard following the passing of my wife.
It didn't help as we were given a time frame of years at the beginning of the year when Denise was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer that had metastasised to her spine and liver. That went down to weeks following a second CT scan within a week due to severe jaundice and then 2 days after the diagnosis was given my wife passed away with so much left unsaid and so many dreams unfulfilled.
However, what I was not ready for was dealing with the living!
My wife and I had started to discuss what we wanted to do following her passing but we never got around to putting things into writing or talking to family about what Denise wanted following her passing. I tried to put across her thoughts for the funeral and celebration of life but try as I might I could not get her family to come on board and even my children felt that what I was saying wasn't right for their mum. We had looked at a direct cremation and then just a meal at one of the large pub/restaurants in the area with friends and family notified and able to come along and have a chat but without me having to pay out thousands of pounds.
What we have ended up with is a cremation with service followed by a celebration of life (or Wake if you listen to the In-Laws) that is coasting me 4 x the cost it should have done, have other people found themselves in a similar situation and have they approached those that wanted the more expensive option for some assistance with the costs? I don't want to create division within the family at this emotional time which is why I went along with some of their wishes but should that leave me further out of pocket?
I wish at times I had done the direct cremation as it is now two weeks since my wife passed and it will be another 11 days before we finally say our goodbyes which is just stretching the emotional shackles I feel around me while I await what I see as the release point for myself.
Many thanks for any ideas, suggestions or ways to deal with family
Hi AdyX Welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved wife and your great sadness..
Its always a difficult time with family at the best of times but in times of grief its doubly so and sometimes things happen or get said that we don't agree with but go along with for peace and quiet. It does sound like the family have completely overridden any conversations that you and your wife have had.
Its not easy for you but I would be tempted to put the question of asking for financial help to the side for now and just go along with it as far as you feel is practical but don't stay at a wake if you don't feel able to as its hard to do.
gail
Hello AdyX
I am not sure if you have seen THIS section of the Macmillan website, there may be a way for you to be assisted to pay for some of the service for your wife.
I believe the cremation has now passed, but I think if you have not claimed already, you may be entitled to some help.
Lowe'
