Dreaming of deceased mum

Hi Laura,

So sorry to hear about your mum. That sounds so difficult you had to watch her deteriorate. I lost my Dad to cancer and he deteriorated very quickly too. I too have dreams about him, but its always as if he's here still but still ill... so I have dreams about him being delrious (cancer in brain), suffering and just what he would be like if he was still here... that's what scared me the most when he was still alive, how he would behave and suffer and it just wasn't my Dad and i found this tremendously hard to cope with. It's weird because my sister has been having very very similar dreams. I think it's just our way of processing and grieving. Point is, my dad is definitely gone, he isn't suffering anymore that's for sure, and it was just dreams. I think it's just our biggest fears manifesting themselves in dreams. 

At the minute it's still pretty raw, and your brain is grieving and dealing with the emotions of loss. Theres a lot going off under the surface too. But try to focus on reality: your mum is definitely at peace now and she cannot contact you through your dreams, unfortunately. Sorry if that sounds insensitive, but for me it helps to ground myself and realise whats what before I let my anxiety rule my thoughts and feelings. But you know what, it's totally normal to have these thoughts and feelings... guilt, shame, anxiety, it's just part of the process. She is in a much better place right now.

Sending hugs

M

Hi Laura, I completely understand how you feel my lovely . . I honestly think it’s your worry about your mum manifesting itself into a dream. I’m guessing you were feeling really anxious snd worried about your lovely mum when she was ill and it’s so hard to just stop that anxiety . . I think you are still in that worry state of mind snd because she has gone the worry has made dream for you to worry about . I honestly think it’s your anxiety . The reason I feel that is I lost my mum to lung cancer last week. She was stage 3 and she had radiotherapy that didn’t work ( we didn’t realise til her legs collapsed and we discovered it had grown into her spinal cord) she was then suddenly palliative and for 8 weeks she deteriorated in bed . It was so awful to watch. My darling precious mum. I still feel really anxious and guilty ( not sure why ) I’m off work but I’m terrified to go back because I work in a hospital and the thought of going back into hospital makes me feel sick ! 
I am trying to hope that there’s more to life than this snd I’m hoping she can give me some sort of wee sign that she’s watching me but it’s so difficult . Sending all my love snd hug . Fiona xx