Hi I lost my brother on 29th July 2020 he got diagnosed with accute myeloid leukaemia on 26th July 2020 it is a shock to us all he was only 25yrs old I haven’t grieved for him at all I’m struggling the moment. reading his medical records hurts so much they said he had abnormal cells in 2014 n just got left only found them once got his recordsnd I’m trying to stay strong for my family because they need me. I find hard is me and my brother had an argument months before so i didn’t speak and I just wish I had the chance to tell him that I was sorry and that I loved him 
Hi Tyler
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.
Yes, you have to stay strong for your family, but you also need to find time to grieve properly. If you delay the grieving process it could hit you much harder in the future. You mention not speaking to your brother - during that time neither of you could see the future and know things would happen this way. Your brother will always be around you and you can talk to him anywhere and anytime. Even little things like telling the result of a football match he would be interested in. Visit one of his favourite places on your own and talk to him there. Quietly await any response - he will always try to send a sign that he is there and watching over you. It may take a few days but open yourself to any sign such as an unexpected white feather, radio / tv retuning, finding a long lost item, a feeling you've been influenced to do something. He would know deep down that you both had an argument (possibly in hindsight over something trivial) but that you both loved each other and would be there for each other if needed. Create a memory book about your brother including lots of stories (happy and sad), ask relatives to help, get stories from any of his friends and have lots of photos.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
