I got the news today, them 2 dreaded words “he’s gone”. My dad, a healthy, happy, fun loving, heart of gold man. Never any complaints, always strived the extra mile, always my shoulder to cry on, how could this happen?
Having collapsed in work 3 months ago, my dad age 50 was taken to hospital where a&e treated him for gallstones and sent him on his way , being in further agonising pain my dad returned to hospital 2 further times before a different doctor decided to conduct scans and there it was them 3 words “sorry it’s cancer” being the strong optimistic man he is took this in his stride as he was going to start chemo. I’m okay he said, I can fight this just like grandad (my grandad having lived to 83 after having numerous illnesses he put up a good fight). I accepted this, I mean he’s my dad he’s superman why wouldn’t he fight this?
1 week later, my dads back in hospital “sorry it’s spread” “we should of caught it earlier you would of been okay” so what? Exactly what, they do nothing, nothing at all! It’s been hell and back to watch my dad deteriorate day by day and my once confident dad tell me he’s scared and it’s just a waiting game.
Having lived a good hour a way from my dad in a time of COVID it’s been extremely difficult, the hospital finally allowed me in and what am seeing? My poor dad swollen like a balloon, his whole body so huge but his tiny frail arms and neck. No fluids, no food but still a smile on his face as he held my hand tight.
My dad moved to a hospice on Monday where I was not allowed to visit. His pain increased drastically, he started morphine through the iv and peacefully he passed away this afternoon. How can this all happen in 3 weeks time, how can they not even try to prolong his life 
my poor dad, my shining star, how can I go on without you
Hello ND96, i am really very sorry for your loss of your Dad, and I also hear the sound of anger and frustration in your words. Sadly there has been times that we can have cancer and it not get pick up on straight away, i had a similar situation of being dismissed until it was eventually picked up and it was lucky for me mine was slow growing but when its fast ad aggressive the consequences of it being missed is very saddening and more agonising for the family as it feels like they have been failed and that as you say how can they not try to prolong his life. I know there is some cancers that can go unnoticed until its too late, but i get the sense of your anger is because when your Dad went to hospital the first time after he collapsed that he was dismissed without finding the cause of his pain. Covid has certainly made it difficult for other health conditions as sadly some hospitals have been rushing patients out of the hospital to clear it for covid cases and because of trying to reduce the spread of covid they have not been allowing visitors unless under certain conditions, however knowing that your Dads cancer was so aggressive I really cannot understand why the hospice wouldn’t allow you to visit, this happened with a friend of mine and his own wife was stopped from seeing him before he died. I believe that its so important to have the chance to say goodbye, I have had similar feelings of anger having lost a number of great friends in the last 18 months it’s been so difficult not being able to see them or go their funeral it makes it hurt more.
What your feeling is understandable anger and loss and its a huge shock for you, you have had to deal with so much in such a short time. But I just wanted to reach out and say i hear you, others hear you and people are willing to listen and they understand loss as i do. I also believe that you need to put a complaint in both to the hospital and the hospice over the way it’s been handled, it’s not sadly going to bring your Dad back but I would hope it helps to understand that they need to give some compassion and it goes a long way but also to point out how your Dad was failed. It’s happened to so many over the years but I would hope that some lessons are learnt. This booklet https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/booklets/after-someone-dies-coping-with-bereavement has some very useful contacts to help get some extra support, I found it helpful for myself and it maybe helpful to you and I just wanted to send you a gentle bear hug 
_GBear Xxxx
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