Hi all, I’m a Social Worker and 7 weeks ago I lost my dad to Cancer. He was 92 and deteriorated in front of my eyes, it was so distressing. He couldn’t eat for 3 months and was skeletal. I tried to take some sick leave but was worried as due to mistakes made while caring for him, I was put on a performance review. I was told that if I went off sick, I would have to have another formal review? I’ve only been with this team 7 months and the manager knew that my dad was end of life. Whilst I sat with him in his last few hours, my line manager called me to complain that I had not followed rules and should ring in every morning. She knew where I was and why?. Dad passed and I got 3 days bereavement leave. I’ve since been told off several times and have made serious errors due to stress and worry. I’m so worried I will lose my job and my registration if I don’t get a grip.
Hi Starlight
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. You can take great comfort for being with him during his last hours and this would also have made his passing more peaceful.
Remember that he will always be around you and will try to guide and support you as best he can. Talk to him when ever and where ever you want. Tell him how you are feeling - not only about losing him but about your work situation. Ask him to send a sign that he is there and will help and open yourself up for any sign that might happen such as an unexpected white feather or radio / tv re tuning to his favourite show.
Unfortunately some employers are strict with their rules and look like they are not compassionate. Does your firm have a personnel depart that you could talk to in confidence? Could you ask to speak to your managers' manager? I'm sure your dad would not want you to be so worried about your job to the point where it could make you unwell. You could call or email ACAS for free confidential advice and see what the suggest. Macmillan also have employment advisors you can speak to, call 0808 808 0000 8:00 am - 8:00 pm 365 days, it's also free and confidential. It may be that you could leave that position, have some time to start to come to terms with your loss, then hopefully find a more understanding employer. There is also some information at this site, LRA, which could be of use. You are in a catch 22 - the more stress means more mistakes which leads to more stress. You need to find a way to break this cycle and maybe one of the above organisations can help.
You need time to grieve which we all do in our own way and at our own pace. There are many things which can trigger emotions and over time your own mind will learn to recognise these and create coping strategies. The pain and emotion will still be there but you will be able to deal with it better. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
