I feel so lost

Hi Coco47 

Sorry to hear about your mum, though glad you got the support she needed. I am sure that helped her.

Many people find the process after the death keeps them fairly busy, registering the death, funeral and sorting all the details out.. With my mum she died very much out of the blue although it did turn out she had cancer but that was only found after she died and it was not what she died of anyway.

We do have some information here on what to do after someone dies that might be helpful.

Hopefully your employer offers support in your situation.

You say you are a single parent - how is the rest of your family coping?

<<hugs>>

Steve

So sorry to hear about you're mum passing, it's something  that never goes away.

I lost my mum too in Jan to stage 4 bowel cancer, I feel like you completely lost without her.

All we can do is take each day x

Thank you… it really is awful. 
You’re right, one day at a time. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who is going through it and feeling this way. 
Best wishes x

Thank you for your reply. Yes, it is a busy time. The funeral is a week before Christmas. I’m keeping busy with that, and have started to go back into work a bit. My daughter seems ok, we talk a lot about everything. My son however isn’t back until the day before the funeral, due to work, and so I don’t think it’s sunk in with him yet. He hasn’t been home since as is in the military. Think he’ll struggle as they were close. 
my sister and I are doing what we need to do. I worry that I haven’t had time to grieve yet. I worry how and when that’ll manifest itself. 

No you're definitely not, I'm still grieving for my mum a year on.

Feels like a bad dream sometimes, think loose a mum, you loose huge part of you x

Hello, 

I am so sorry for your loss and to hear about your Mam's long battle with breast cancer. I, too lost my Mam to cancer and I remember the feeling in the immediate aftermath. It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Navigating life without the person who brought you into it and made you the individual you are today is such a difficult idea to process. 

I lost my Mam just over a year ago and I still struggle with grief on a daily basis because it is so hard when you want to speak to her so badly and ask her advice and she isn't there. I was also very close to my Mam and miss talking to her so badly. 

It's okay not to know where to start. I didn't either. I remember just going for long walks to clear my head a bit, sometimes listening to music to distract me and sometimes just walking in silence, taking in the world around me. I remember looking up at the sky at times and wondering if she was up there watching over me already and how that entire process of entering heaven even works and if it's real. I remember questioning everything and struggling so badly to speak to other people because they just couldn't possibly understand. I am a 21 year old so no-one around me really knew how to comfort me at this time. I needed family but also struggled to be at home because my Mam wasn't there. 

I underestimated whether I would finish uni and had to take a year out to grasp everything. I changed jobs multiple times because part-time hospitality roles don't really understand bereavement leave and how long you should have off at this time. But the important thing is I'm still going. I'm still going for my Mam. I know she would want me to finish uni and she would be proud of how far I have come from that moment. I won't tell you that it will get easier because I don't think grief ever truly does. I am one year into it and I still struggle a lot but when I look back at how different things could have been, I give myself credit for where I am now. 

You are already doing an amazing job just by opening up about your feelings on here. It took me a year to do that. Give yourself as much time and space as you need. Don't push yourself too hard and process everything as it comes. The aftermath of a loss is so so hard. Focus on you. I remember finding comfort in a quote from Winnie the Pooh that my Mam used to love and ironically wrote down when I moved away for uni. 'How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.' Wishing you all the strength in the world over these next couple of weeks, especially over the festive period which is so difficult when you are grieving. Take care of yourself and remember you aren't alone, sometimes knowing that is a great comfort too x

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. 
Im so sorry that you also lost your mum to cancer a year ago. A year is still early days. 
You are so young to lose a parent, I really feel for you. Well done on continuing with uni… your mam would be really proud of you. 
You’re right, the festive period is hard in itself without the added impact of grief. 
We will bumble on through and do what we need to. Time and space is such good advice. 
Funeral plans are pretty much done. I’m going her flower coffin spray this weekend, thought it’s the last thing I can do for her. 
It’s been quite hard work organising, even though mum did a lot of it herself, and I find myself wanting it over, but then I’m worried about how I’ll feel when it’s over, 
I’m finding there are up and down days. Some days I’m fine, others, I can be wobbly, or preoccupied or my concentration is awful. 
I’m so glad I reached out on here. It’s such a comfort to know others are feeling the same and makes me feel less alone. 
So thank you to all. I’m so grateful people responded xx