Hey, thought I’d reach out. My beautiful, amazing mum died on Wednesday, from breast cancer which she’d had 3 separate times over the last 23 years.
Within the last year, she has started to struggle a bit but was so determined, strong minded and independent, she carried on. Three weeks ago I had to call 999 out for her where she was taken to the JR (Oxford) and a few days later they transferred her to a hospice which is where she wanted to die. It felt like a battle advocating for her and to get what she wished for, because she went downhill so quickly due an internal bleed, we didn’t think she’d make it. She improved at the hospice and they started talking about discharge, which terrified me because by then she was bed bound and didn’t even have the strength to turn herself over in bed.
The hospice was amazing and I spent as many nights as I could ‘sleeping’ next to her. I was with her when she took her final two breaths. It was traumatic and not the ‘peaceful, die in sleep’ that I had hoped for. My sister was there too, but we aren’t overly close so I don’t look to her for support.
It was heartbreaking and I feel so lost without mum now. We haven’t even had the call from the medical examiner yet to register the death. It’s all so awful. I was incredibly close to mum, we saw each other almost daily for the last 13 years since my dad died, and my divorce. She was ‘my person’ I suppose. My life will be very different now and it’s hard getting used to the idea of that. I’m a single parent and work full time in a demanding role.
I honestly don’t know where or how to start.
