This just doesn't feel real!

FormerMember
FormerMember
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I lost my amazing husband 8 weeks ago to oesophagal cancer and I am feeling totally lost. He was 54 and I am 51! From finding a lump to the end it was just less than 12 weeks! I feel like I am trapped in a bad dream. Prior to that he was super healthy and we had so many plans. We had been married for 26 years. I just feel empty and am struggling to believe that this has happened. I am still off work and not sure if I can face going back. Covid is making this so difficult too. Every time I bump into someone that I haven't seen I burst into tears. Usually on my dally walk or in the supermarket! I'm considering having some counselling. Our son is 25 and he is also heartbroken but has gone back to work this week which I think is the best thing for him.

Any words of advice of how to get through this? x

  • Hi Lancslady,

    My sincere and deepest condolences to you on the loss of your dear Husband, my heart goes out to you and your Son.(((Hugs)))

    I am unsure that there are any words that will make you feel any less heartbroken, but I do want you to know that I am here, Listening, holding you in my thoughts, as are the rest of the team here on the site.

    I don't know the best advice to give in regards to getting through this, other than to say, 8 weeks is only a heartbeat ago, there will be a journey before you which will lead you down dark alley's and up tough hills, but there will also be little side roads of light and laughter, of remembering, of growing, changing and finding your own path. However you venture down this road on your journey, please remember that as dark as those roads are right now, things will get easier the further your travel.

    My Mum always told me if it doesn't hurt, it didn't matter, not sure if this is true for all, but your tears are testimony of your pain, your love, your life, it is OK to cry xxx

    Thinking of you and send love and light 

    Lowe' x

    Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.
    Tomorrow is not promised but it always has potential. Aim for your potential!
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Lancslady, I’m so sorry about your loss

    I lost my husband 8th May 2020 to bowel cancer after a year long battle fighting the evil that is Cancer. He was 56 and I’m 54, he was very fit and like you both we had so many plans. 
    I still cannot believe this has actually happened and this is what I struggle with. I am going to be starting a phased return to work after Easter, the hardest thing being my husband and I both worked at the same place him for nearly 40 years, me 37. 
    I didn’t really think counselling was my thing but have had some sessions now and I really do think it’s helping me. The thing is you have nothing to loose by giving it a go, if you don’t think it’s helping you then just stop. You do need to concentrate on you and you’ll know when it’s right for you to return to work and hopefully your employers are understanding and supportive. It still is very early days for you but in hindsight I wish I’d started counselling sooner.

    I hope this help you